Im using the "tommee tippee " sippy cups... And I do but she jerks her hands away all the time but if I lay her down she has no choice but to hold herself but I don't want to always lay her down... She has been pretty good at learning stuff but this is a struggle.

Try using a silly cup with handles. That might encourage her to hold it. Also, keep putting her hands on the cup so she understands that she has to hold it on her own

I have been trying to get her to hold it but she jerks her hands back and wants me to hold it

I helped my son hold it first then after he started gripping it on his own, he would slowly tilt his head back (too afraid to fall back) and then he trusted hisself enough to put his head back. I'd do it on a bed so when she learns to tilt a little, it'll be a soft landing when she goes back