This is a long one...
My baby girl turns one today.
It's a bittersweet moment, I'm so happy, yet so sad that she's growing so fast.
On another note, I've officially started weaning and I am down to one pump per day. As much as I hate pumping, I won't take for granted the fact that I was still able to provide all the nutrients of breastmilk for her. I'm so proud of myself for sticking to my goal of ~breastfeeding~ her for the first 6 months. When we couldn't latch, it was honestly heartbreaking, I felt sad, mad, embarrassed and upset that my body couldn't do what a mother is supposed to do, but I found my way around it, and thus ran into the world of exclusively pumping. I would pump ten times a day, i would wake up at 1,3, 6 in the morning to pump. I hated it, loved it, took it one day at a time. I appreciated the fact that my body was able to react to a pump. I wanted to punch people who would say "why don't you just breastfeed?" "Have you tried this, that, this etc etc" "you're lucky that she takes a bottle" I was told by lactation consultants that there was no such thing as exclusively pumping, that my milk would dry up if I didn't latch her within 3 months at the most. I was neglected an electric pump because "it's only for breastfeeding moms, every baby can latch, you're just not trying" so I was stuck with a manual, I pumped MANUALLY FOR ALMOST 4 MONTHS!! Until my husband was finally able to buy me an electric pump. I was asked "why didn't you buy an electric pump earlier?" Various times, and the answer was short and simple every time, I was planning on breastfeeding, I wasn't planning on pumping. But I still got up to pump manually every 2-3 hours for the first 4 months. I pumped through milk blisters (which bloody hurt!) and engorged breasts. I pumped in my home, at my in laws house, my little cousin Luna let me pump in her room when we went to Vegas lol in the car, on the go! I learned to set up my pump bottles in the dark, I felt like those marines setting up their guns 😂
~this is my pump. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my pump is useless. Without my pump, I am useless~ 😂
But seriously though, since weaning I no longer have to pick between pumping or sleeping, pumping or eating, pumping or showering.
There were MANY days where I wanted to throw in the towel, but I would take it one day at a time, and somedays one pump at a time.
But here I am, one year of exclusively pumping. Those lactation consultants that said I wouldn't make it past three months can see me now 😏 and I did it all for her ❤️