Trigger. Lost baby

Went in for my 20 week check up and found out our son had passed away. Nothing was wrong, my pregnancy has been going great. I'm so numb right now. I'll he delivering him later this week. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Not before Christmas. How am I'm going to tell my kids?? My dear sweet baby boy. Why did this happen?

Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,

his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...

So I had my baby at 12:46am but I’m asking for prayers or any good vibes sent my baby & my way. I had to have an emergency csection (never had one before either so still freaking out that I had one) because my placenta abrupted & now they transferred my baby to another hospital to give him care that this hospital doesn’t provide since he can not breathe on his own and he is going to be getting blood transfusions as well & they are saying it can go either way for my baby and I’m literally heartbr...

just did my glucose test and im so amped up on sugar right now...i keep shutting my eyes to doze off and then i get extremely awake again! lol i started having Braxton Hicks contractions from the intensity of it meanwhile my son was kicking my guts in half. lol it was like Tang times 10!! i loved it... 💗😂😴😲

did every ones SO go to EVERY dr appointment with them?? im at my appointment and its not an ultrasound or anything so i told my boyfriend he can stay home and sleep... im here and everyone has their guy with them.. im feeling lonely now:/