She is perfectly fine when her dad is around, completely different with me. It's so frustrating!

@dreamermom I agree. Her mothers really not in the picture. Moved to Kentucky. Barely talks to her. But my fiancé has my back but because of feeling guilty, doesn't discipline her really ever. Which makes it hard for me.

@dtopp24, it really takes the blood parent stepping up and laying the foundation... my (now ex) husband did a really great job of that... he sat all the kids down and said to them point blank that I was his wife, and he would not tolerate them disrespecting me, anymore than he would if they disrespected him... that I do a lot for them, and he felt like they were not being appreciative to me, and we discussed some of the issues, and he laid out what the consequences would be, so that everyone knew that he was the one approving these punishments, they all agreed that it was fair... we also highlighted some bonuses for good behaviors, and they earned some rewards like a family night out... we never had a lot of money, so those were always creative... but that really was a game changer! Showed us as a united front, that it was not them against me... Dad was with me, and they needed to fall in line! My ex was many thing, which led to our divorce... but I can say he was a great father!

Thank you @dreamermom! I will do that! That's great advice.

That's a hard place to be as a step-parent... talk to your spouse first... maybe have him initiate the conversation about her not being appreciative and then give her guidelines, if you do this, this will happen, if you do that, that will happen... then when she does something, and there are consequences, you can follow through and say look, you made your choice! That's what I had to do with mine... then it simply always came back to if you choose to act a certain way then this is the response, good or bad... it taught my kids that they are the ones who control the outcome by their behavior... I was no longer the bad guy, because they were given the option to choose! My step kids are grown now, and I have a really great relationship with them... there were moments in those teen years where you want to choke them... I just gave them choices, and they had to decide for themselves how things went... they learned not to push me, because I ALWAYS follow through! And I think they have more respect for me now as young adults because of it!

you could just take it off her, tell her she can have it back when she shows you respect?

I will if it's not taken out of box and destroyed already

whatever it was that you got her that she wanted I would take it back until she learns how to show some appreciation and change her attitude. @dtopp24

I'm about done for awhile. No fast food because we are trying to buckle down and not eat out a lot. Eat more at home. Have tons of healthy foods around. And all of what she wants is nothing she needs. Why spend money for non appreciation .

I feel like don't do for her then and let her walk around mad lol because she may feel like she can walk all over you because you are her step mom and it's a disciple barrier there