So I've been feeling a lil down lately because I feel like I'm not as active with my kids as I think I should be... I…

So I've been feeling a lil down lately because I feel like I'm not as active with my kids as I think I should be... I feel like I had them at a time, Where in my head I gave up on having children. So when I found out I was pregnant I was so happy and surprised but still kind of felt a disconnect, because I was already set in my way and use to being by myself, taking care of myself and content with no responsibilities (Kid wise)... so when they were born it kind of took a toll on my mental especially being the fact it was two one time.... I don't know how some people do it with multiples and continue to have kids after cause lawd knows mentally it put a strain on me.... but its gotten better over the years cause I've adjusted to mother hood... but I feel guilty at time cause I enjoy the pleasure of them going to school and when their Aunts\grandma pick them up and take them out... I feel I enjoy the silence of them being gone way too much at times... I Miss them but I'm not in a rush for them to come back... So I guess I'm am wondering am I the only one who has felt this way or is still feeling this way??... please don't Judge me!!