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Jenn Conyers
Need your advice ladies: I'm really not comfortable sending my daughter to her grandmother's (dad's mom) house for an overnight stay this coming weekend because for one; she constantly oversteps her boundaries as a grandparent and undermines the way I care for my child and messes up the routine I've been working on with my daughter, and my daughter's dad just lets her; and not only that, my daughter's aunt (who's 10) constantly messes with my daughter and disrupts her sleep and doesn't get the fact that she's not a doll but an actual human being, any other mom's have similar experiences? Not only does he know I'm not comfortable with her spending a night away from home at 3 months old, but he also knows that I'm trying to breastfeed her more, yet he's trying to make these plans for her to stay elsewhere without even asking me is this something I'm okay with, and as soon as I say something I know it's going to be an issue because when I told him maybe in a few more months but not right away it was an issue. How do you ladies think I should approach this?
5 лет

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mrscruz0530

I think that's way too young for her to be away from you for that long. Especially if your breastfeeding. I would use breastfeeding as an excuse because really you are putting your supply at risk. If you aren't comfortable don't do it. It's your daughter and everything needs to be in her best interest not just how they want it.

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mrscruz0530

I think that's way too young for her to be away from you for that long. Especially if your breastfeeding. I would use breastfeeding as an excuse because really you are putting your supply at risk. If you aren't comfortable don't do it. It's your daughter and everything needs to be in her best interest not just how they want it.

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jennc100495

@diyonna, they didn't wanna be involved until literally the last week of my pregnancy it seems like, from 8 weeks up until maybe 37 weeks I hadn't seen anybody in his family during my pregnancy, then his mom wanted to come out of the woodwork like she's been there and cool with me the whole 3 years we were together smh

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jennc100495

@diyonna, lol I'm trying not to, literally his only big purchase was her crib which I was going to buy the following week even though she still doesn't sleep well in it yet; my father purchased her bassinet and my cousin purchased her cradle both of which she still loves to sleep in, and my aunt purchased her car seat and travel system which she wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital without as baby shower gifts, he purchases diapers and wipes and formula when he feels like it but I've been doing that a good 85% of the time by myself too, he's been pulling this new receipt saving thing too to try to prove me wrong smh I'm just hoping he and his mother gets their acts together before she's old enough and has a working memory where she can remember and talk about stuff like this smh

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diyonna

also write down if he buys like a major purchase,, lol dont stress the idiots..my bd didnt wanna be involved until his mom found out and now there trying to get full custody...and the baby isnt even here. so i definitely understand,,, if they actually saw the shit they did, a normal person would agree agree with u

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jennc100495

@diyonna, that's actually a really good idea, I'm definitely going to start doing that, because it's gotten ridiculous, this post is only the half of it with all the foolishness they've been trying to pull, she even had the nerve to tell him grandparents have rights too and all types of stuff and makes comments about keeping her when 1: her house if beyond full (her dad doesn't even have his own room), 2: there's nobody available to even watch the baby during the week because everyone works until between 3 and 5, and 3: myself and my family have provided over 80% of our child's belongings and necessities and have been involved my entire pregnancy to now, his family hadn't spoken to me at all and we're not even going to go into what he was doing smh, he has no room to act the way he does when it comes to the baby

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diyonna

just for now,, its not as drastic as going to court,, butt you could show him your notes when he starts to act up..and if it does get as far as custody,, u can type up your own papers saying wat days or the time you each will have the chance to see her.. and state that he has the keys to your apartment and you both sign it..thats proof enough for court

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diyonna

one thing im doing is writing everything down, so u could try that,, write down when they see her and for how long and what he says he does...because his mom sounds like she runs it so she could end up convincing him to go for full custody

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jennc100495

@diyonna, exactly, I'm gonna have to do something because they hog her more than enough and act like they do so much for her when they haven't done anything but create issues so far; my mom told me I need to sit them down too, I've talked to him solely about it figuring things would change but they've just gotten worse and he doesn't get it

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mama.jenn_

There is your answer. Don't second guess yourself and you know what switch things up. Spend time with your family! Don't worry about what he has to say and argue about. Let him see that he isn't always right and he won't get it his way all the time he needs to work for it earn time with his daughter it isn't about just leaving here and saying " oh yeah she's with me" when she's really with his parents and what not. It's not fair, but we moms go through a lot of crap bc some guys can't get things into their empty heads.(some) so put yourself and your daughter first. Your family first! Don't worry about him anymore he obviously doesn't care bc he never lets you do it your way and you being the mother of his daughter. And if it doesn't work, well then take him to court settle things there.

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jennc100495

@kaliyahsmommy579, yeah, luckily my mom lives with me and she's home on weekends and watches her for me and I know she'll honor my wishes but with him being dad and her only being grandma idk how things would pan out if he came here trying to take her and my mom said no because I told her I didn't okay her going with him overnight; if anything I'd have to be the monster that goes to his house and brings her back home and then get talked about all types of ways smh

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jennc100495

@mama.jenn_, I feel like it's going to come to that unfortunately when he literally has keys to my house and nothing and nobody stopping him from coming to see her, I even ask him when or if he's coming to see her and get no's or I don't know, but then I have to jump through hoops when he wants her at his mother's house with him. He spends all his nights free out until the morning with his friends and siblings while I'm home with the baby, I have zero issue letting him see her, I do have an issue with the disrespect on his mother's end though; we even go over there on weekends from morning until late night and I have no issue with that, but he and his family hog her; we haven't spent a single holiday with my family thus far and I've skipped family things to accommodate us doing things with his family, and he'll swear up and down that he watches her but they just helped when I know good and well that that's a lie because he'll slip and tell on himself about what he was doing while everyone else has the baby. I'm doing my best trying to co-parent with him but he's not exactly getting the concept of this whole co-parenting thing. I'm always the one asking what he thinks and his feelings and if he's okay with something and truly take it into consideration when he's barely here and doesn't make the effort he thinks and acts like he makes.

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diyonna

you should talk to him and his mom,, together as some sort of family meeting. Your her mother and they need to respect that,, they have the rest of her life for sleep overs so a couple more months wont hurt. So for now days will do just fine 👍,, dnt stress babes

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jennc100495

@kaliyahsmommy579, I told him she's too young for that right now, but in a few months things will change and I won't have an issue with it, but he doesn't understand why and thinks I'm just being selfish and petty and ignorant; he and I are in a rough spot so he's staying at his mother's, so although he'll be there like he usually is when she goes over there, he'll let everyone else take care of her and handle her and none of them even care to ask what's okay and not okay for her, it's not even like they make the effort to come see her at her own house, it always has to be me bringing her over there or if I'm not able or willing to bring her then he has his mother or grandmother drive over here to pick the baby up and they always have an attitude or make comments (not even jokingly) about keeping her and whatnot so this whole spending the night thing really isn't cutting it with me, and even worse next weekend I work so they'd have time to pick her up and take her and tell my mom I okayed it when I didn't.

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mama.jenn_

Have you guys talked about custody? Bc right now since you guys are separated he can take you to court and say you never let him spend a night and what not. I would suggest you tell him your not okay with it. But that she can go over for the day and spend time with his family there but he should be supervising. Not allowing all those things to happen you know. Your her mother you know her better then anyone else does.

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