Over the past year I've replayed that day over and over a thousand times. Many nights I stay up and lose sleep. Some nights the dreams are so real, I wake up and can feel him here.

I remember stopping by mom and dad's with Charlie like we always do while out running around. I remember getting home and not even an hour later getting a phone call. "Get here quick. Your dad is really sick. Your mom needs you here". I remember begging Cindy to tell me what's wrong. I remember panicking and calling Brock (who was out grocery shopping) to tell him to get right home. I remember flying out the front door as soon as I saw him pull in the driveway. I remember blowing through stop signs and red lights. I remember praying and crying the whole way there "Whatever is happening, please don't let there be an ambulance. Please don't let there be an ambulance. Please don't let there be an ambulance".

I remember turning the corner and seeing the flashing lights of 3 ambulances and a fire truck. That's when my world stopped. I remember flying down the street and throwing my car in park on the front lawn. I remember jumping out of the car and running to the porch as they brought the stretcher out of the house. I remember seeing dad's cut up shirt laying on the sidewalk. I picked it up and put it in my purse, the spot it stayed for months to come. I remember following the ambulance and cursing at the driver the whole time. Asking why he wasn't driving faster. I remember being taken to the family room in the ER. I remember walking into the ER room and seeing the strongest man I know with doctors and nurses doing all they could. As soon as I heard the words "There's nothing more we can do. We've exhausted all our efforts." And "Time of death....", it all became a blur. The next few hours, days, weeks even. I was going through the motions. I tried to be strong for mom and my kids. I could have probably done things differently, but there's no right or wrong way to grieve.

The past year has been full of ups and downs. There have been so many times I've picked up the phone to call you. So many exciting things to share with you. So many things you've missed. First words, first steps, first haircuts, first times on the potty, and most importantly, first breaths.

27 years, 9 months, and 5 days. That's the amount of time I was given with the greatest man I've ever known. I would give anything in the world for one more day with you. I love and miss you daddy 💙.

"They say now you're in a better place. I would be too if I could see your face. You should be here..."

Sorry....just had to get that out somewhere