Then tell him "I'm going back home to visit my family for a while. I'm unhappy and you don't want to fix things." Pack a bag. See what he does and says.

Yes his first wife and mom did not get along again because of boundary issues @bonniesue he says he is over it but I don't know, the biggest issue is his mom. I can't be unhappy the rest of my life and I've offered him counseling but he says he doesn't need someone to tell him what more is wrong then he already knows.

Still with issues, Your wife dies and just three months pass would be way too quick. And an inappropriate time frame for proper grieving/healing. Did you ever ask how his first wife and mom got along? You have the options of couples therapy, ignoring/not feeding into the issue or leaving. Fighting him constantly will not fix it and probably force him more on to his mother.

Yeah it was very fast. She was cheating on him and their house was in foreclosure so there were a lot of issues. I'm just not gonna be disrespected and I have boundaries I don't need to be walked all over and constantly put down when I've given up so much. So frustrating! And I don't know what to do. @bonniesue

That's a really quick jump. Has he ever been in therapy? He probably has some deep issues. If he can't stand up for you and see the error of his moms ways, you'll be unhappy for a long time.

The kids have been in therapy, they are getting better but it's mostly him and his mom.. I can't keep living like this & always makes defends her actions! We've only been married a year and a half and been together for three years just three months after his wife passed. @bonniesue

Are the kids in therapy? Losing your mother is very difficult, and now their dad has a new child. They could be feeling replaced and not loved. Just a thought. He's an adult, he needs to cut the umbilical cord with his mom. How long have you been together and how long have you been married?