😞 that's all you can do is love him. And show him that every day nothing else will prove more support. I would just build 1 brick at a time with him and when he is ready to leap into a process of acceptance and clarification or healing . . . hopefully you can find something to help you find peace with the information and decide what you want to do with it & how you go about it. Maybe they could help you find his love langue and goals or ways you could help him know your there for him. In experience of relationships I say to keep to your self with the info cause he may not want it shared and he may take offense if he feels your talking about what his experience means when he himself may not be sure and if for example you mil friend ect gets mad at you and goes back and says well she said blah blah and it hurts him in an unrecoverable way. I was just saying that's what I would do because of those things. Talking to someone confidential for you or him or you both may provide a better comfort in the subject.

@jjepb, no I would absolutely love him either way, he knows that. He has tried therapy before though and it's pretty against it

His parents didn't feel like they should let a little boy run them out of their house, and no he wasn't a threat because as I said, it's easy to keep them away from each other. It happened because he was being allowed in their home as family. If it was 2 seven year olds, then you could call that curiosity, but not 11. You definitely know right from wrong in that sense when you're 11. I was also asking if I should even bring it up a second time, so I'm not pushing him for answers, but I will talk to his mom about it as I please because it doesn't bother her to talk about it, as well as 100% agrees with me and we're concerned for him, so that would be why I feel the need to talk to him about it, just like if it happened to my own child, I would talk to him about it because I love him and want to help him, but I understand that pressing him for answers won't help. I guess I'm asking more of how do I make it known to him that he truly can talk about it if he needs to since males seem to be more sensitive about hiding this and such @jjepb

@jjepb, not sure if you read everything correctly, but basically everything you said was rude and unnecessary. I feel the need to talk to him because he's my boyfriend and I care about him and it's obviously effecting our relationship. You can't say it's okay because they were the same age. That's like saying it's okay if a 15 year old rapes a 15 year old just because they're the same age. You know it's wrong. Also why would we go to a family doctor now? He's 18 now.

@jjepb, are you serious? His little brother was completely molested by my boyfriend's friend. You're 11, you have a good sense of right from wrong, and he knew that tying a little boy's hands behind his back and forcing him to lick his penis is wrong! There is also a huge maturity level between a 7 year old and an 11 year old! We are talking 2nd grade and 6th grade. I don't even understand how you can think that or try to argue with me the fact that he was molested. It was taken to court, his brother had mental breakdowns from it constantly for 4 years straight. I didn't ask for someone to come on here and debate with me wether or not he was molested. That is not curiosity, it's wrong, and he knew it then and he knows it now, and I can't believe you call that curiosity.

It's so tough, I just want to help him, but I guess you're right, just leaving it alone might help @aidenabby9630

I think it did and he's choosing to pretend like it didn't happen. I would just let it be. If he really doesn't want to talk about it then it's probably for the best. He will speak when he's ready but pressuring him may make him feel really bad and it can change him.

@aidenabby9630, so should I just leave it how I left it the time I asked him about it and wait to see if he ever comes out about it, or should I maybe try to talk to him about it again? And it is very likely that this happened to him right? I'm not just crazy?

So everyone handles their situation differently. My husband is an open book about it, my sister in law is very emotional about it, and my brother in law refuses to ever talk about it.

My husband was abused when he was 9 until 12 years old and he also we t through a phase where he was curious but then he realized It was because of what happened. My husband is very strict with our kids and he's very cautious about dealing with other people's kids like he doesn't hug other kids or talk to kids too much. He thinks that they will feel uncomfortable around him just because he's an adult and they're kids. But he would talk to our son and guide him to tell anyone if someone did something inappropriate since he's 8 years old. My sister in law was raped by the same guy that molested my husband and she's a lesbian now and my brother in law who was also molested by the same guy is super controlling and very very protective of his family and defensive about everything.

But let me be clear that I am not at all concerned that Jonathan or his little brother will harm our child

A lot of these things were signs that I have googled and found to be related to him. I've only asked him once if anything happened between him and Keaton and he gets very angry and says no and he doesn't want to talk about it. But after talking to my friend last night (female, but was molested by her step father from 3rd-5th grade) said she would definitely try to talk to him about it again and try to help him in any way possible. I guess I just don't know how to go about it... the last and only time I ever talked to him about it I left it at "Well if there's ever anything you want to talk about, you know I'm here for you"

Other signs are: -Confusion with sexual orientation when we met 2 years ago (thought he was bisexual -in 9th grade his mom thought him and his male friend had a thing together -When I brought that up, he said it was stupid and he is definitely not gay and regrets ever saying that he might have been bisexual -OCD and fidgety -Body dysmorphia -Sensitive to being touched (forearms, legs, scalp, belly button, face, neck) -Extremely indecisive and has a hard time committing to anything (making plans with friends for an hour in fear that something else might come along that interests him) -Unexplained mental baggage (has told me that nothing has happened to him on multiple occasions, but suffers from severe depression and anxiety) -Constantly doubting himself and his ability to do anything even though everyone tells him that he is extremely talented in many aspects -Whenever we talk about what happens to his little brother he shuts the conversation down immediately (I'm not sure exactly, but it seems as if one would only feel that strongly about something if it happened to them personally, if it happened to a sibling, it would make me mad so I would want to talk about it to help, but everyone is different I suppose) -extremely attached to his mom -Seeks attention and approval but mostly from his mom -Sex life is very plan, unwilling to try different things and uncomfortable when talking about sex -Low interest in sex

So I'm just recently finding out the my boyfriend of a year and a half and the father of my child was very likely sexually abused when he was around 11 years old by his best friend/neighbor who is STILL his neighbor (parents didn't think running from the situation would do any good and it was easy for both parents to stop them from seeing each other at the time) My boyfriend's little brother was 7 at the time that he was molested by the same guy. They were all very close, the neighbor was almost like family. He was my boyfriend's (Jonathan) best friend since they moved here when he was 5. The court didn't do anything since there was a 4 year age difference between the boys and they were both minors (7 & 11) Keaton (offenders name) only had to go to therapy for what he had done, which clearly didn't work because he denies that he ever assaulted anyone. Jonathan's mom told me that Jonathan had said they used to masturbate together, and that Keaton would expose himself to Jonathan and put his penis on him on his back and such. I would consider that assault, but Jonathan willing went along with all of it and they were the same age which makes it tricky. Whenever I or his mom asks him if Keaton abused him, he says no and gets angry, says he doesn't want to talk about it, etc.