So I'm trying to get my stepson to be more independent and I told him he needs to put his own underwear on after he got out of the bathroom. Hes 3 and needs to be able to dress himself, he's perfectly capable. Well he whines and complains about doing things himself so it took a while for him to start trying and he was still complaining about it. My fiance jumped in and told him to come here and do it for him cause he was whining about it and struggling a little. I got pissed that he did it for him after I told him he needs to do it for himself and we got in a fight about it. I just want him to be able to do things for himself but dad always has to baby him. Am I wrong for being mad about him doing that? I've been around and helping to raise him almost all his life so it's not like I just showed up out of know where trying to raise his kid for him and that's the issue.
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That's how my husband was with his now almost 8yo son. He's always babied him to the point where idk if he still wipes his son's butt after pooping to make sure he got it all. At least now he dresses himself and brushes his teeth on his own. Baby steps lol
@emmajeremy2627, we've gotten in disagreements about this same type of thing before. He just says he'll learn later but my point of view is if he is capable then why not now? Maybe I should just not bother anymore and not make effort towards him learning to do things he doesn't feel like doing? It just makes it harder on me when I have to clean up the toys spread across the floor because he doesn't want to or put the dirty clothes in the hamper because he doesn't want to. I just think putting the effort in to make him more independent will go a long way even if it is a little struggle to get him to that point. But my fiance aparentely disagrees.
@camdens_mommy, I wasn't showing any frustration towards the kid. I only got mad once my fiance went against what I was trying to get him to do. He's capable of putting his own underwear on and has done so before it's just a matter of not wanting to do it.
no no i totally understand not saying your wrong or forcing him maybe talk to your fiancé and tell him he's 3 lets start teaching him to do independent things such as, pulling up his underwear. He should understand what your saying:)
@emmajeremy2627, it's more a matter of won't do it than can't do it with him. He knows how and has been show many times and done it himself plenty of times. Sometimes they end up on backwards or inside out or both which is fine because at this point I just would like for him to do for himself instead of trying to have someone else do it. At one point during this he had them on and just needed to pull them up but looked at me and took them off again. He seems to just not want to do things for himself because he likes when other people do things for him. And I feel like dad is just encouraging him to not be independent by not standing by me and telling him to try on his own. I'm not evil and trying to force him to do something he has no idea how to do I just want him to be independent and have dad be on board with that.
Totally agree with @emmajeremy2627 He is only three.... My son at 7 still fights to get ready it's just a kid thing. Take the time to show him and give him praise when he does so himself. If you get frustrated and mad of course his dad will step in... No one wants their 3 year old to feel sad :(
i understand being independent but why not show and help him a few times. start the morning off saying ok were gonna learn how to put on our own underwear. place his hands on the sides of them and then put yours over and help him pull them up. after a few tries in an excited voice say ok you try! when he does finally get it give lots of praise and tell him thats how big boys do it.
he might just not fully understand it. Make it a fun learning and teaching:)
hope that helps
@jahnessagarcia, That's what I tried telling him. That I don't want him to be 5 years old still unable to put his own underwear on. I think it was more the fact that I told his son to do something and then my fiance just disregarded it and did it for him anyway. He says he wants me to treat him like he's my son but then acts like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm just trying to be mean.
Definitely not wrong! My brother is 6 years old and still won't dress himself or do anything himself because my parents do everything for him! I think it is good that you want him to have that independence hopefully your husband comes around.
@klutzy, lol. I guess I will just have to learn to deal with it. I just wish we could be on the same page but maybe it isn't worth fighting over. Thanks!