nothing hurts worse right now than the phone call i got telling me my dad drank his self to death i…

nothing hurts worse right now than the phone call i got telling me my dad drank his self to death i just feel as though i couldve stopped him i couldve. one minute im crying the next minute my mind is completely blank and i dont know what to do growing up he was always drunk abusing me my mom and siblings and saying i wasnt his etc. he tried getting ahold of me quite a few times i anweres and he was drunk and mouthy so i quit answering this just hurts so bad 😢