As my son sleeps i love staring at him. I still cant believe that he is mine that im finally a mother. Even though my heart hurts because the loss of my baby richard, and there are days that im worse then others. And sometimes i feel alone that no one understands how i feel oneside is grieving and the other has so much joy. I thank God for this blessing even though i feel i got cheated. I was enjoying my pregnancy i felt like the most beautiful person in the world and it got cut short gave birth at 27 weeks, i had plan to do a 4d ultrasound which i didn't get to do. I wanted a babyshower i didnt have one. I also wanted the first look when your baby is born and they put in on your chest everyone says that moment is magical. I didnt get to experience, but despite all that i feel blessed