I honest to God feel like the literal worst mother on the planet today. I was sitting on the couch…

I honest to God feel like the literal worst mother on the planet today. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie with my kids and was holding the baby. My oldest son, Marcus, as most of you know, has a serious issue with respect. He is also ODD and has Bipolar 2 disorder. So, he proceeds to call me a "cunt" for the 2nd time in a week, and I lost my mind. Got up, smacked him, and tried to pick him up and put him out in the back porch by pulling his shirt and my hand slipped and flew back and I hit the baby in the forehead. Spent 90 percent of my entire day bawling my eyes out, praying, telling my baby how sorry I am and at the doctor's office. I have spent the rest of the time being a nervous wreck that something is wrong or that I somehow caused a brain injury....he is only 4.5 months old. I have been hating myself to death all day for it....His doctor says he seems fine, but I feel so afraid that he's not okay. I don't think I can sleep tonight, even though that's all I even want to do. I've got a migraine from HELL. I'm working on getting Marcus moved and placed into a residential facility for a year to a year and a half because this is the last straw for me. Please, pray for my baby boy of you could. You can't even imagine how terrible I feel. I am so upset with myself right now 😢😢😢 You all know how much I love my baby 😭 And all my kids!

as someone who has been diagnosed bipolar in my teenage years I don't think it will help to send your son away, it may make it worse and will definitely affect him negatively emotionally especially since he has at a delicate transitional age and as far as being ODD that's not real diagnostic that's part of being an adolescence.. a confused one.. please don't be offended I am no way judging you and I don't believe you're a bad mother and certainly not saying so I'm just trying to offer you this perspective. I was diagnosed bipolar and taken medication that made me feel worse and have been hospitalized 2 times in behavioral in-patient or 'rehab' and the 'looney bin' we call it, but some of the other kids I've met and gotten to know in there they've been in the extreme residential more than one time and a couple of them their parents/guardians have eventually actually given them to the state, and I see how it changes and hurts them, it doesn't help. I implore you to seek out an alternative healing for your son. please don't feel bad or be mad this isn't easy and I know you have to do what's right for your family especially the baby just consider this and if you'd like to know more about my experience with bipolar disorder I'd be happy to share. anyway good luck, much love and keep strong mama

I honest to God feel like the literal worst mother on the planet today. I was sitting on the couch…

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