I fucking hate my PTSD. My husband likes to play around with his family and pull them into his chest…

I fucking hate my PTSD. My husband likes to play around with his family and pull them into his chest for hugs. I've told him that I don't like it when he does that to me but idk if I've ever told him why. I wasn't feeling well today after going to the Chinese buffet (I felt car sick and the heat didn't help) and he pulled me into one of those hugs. I tried to pull back cause I got nauseous but he tensed like he always does with his mom. Immediate panic response and almost triggered an attack. I told him I didn't like it when he did that cause it made me feel trapped because it was like shit my brother used to do (I was literally afraid for my life at times growing up). He said "I'm not your brother." Yes, I know that. My PTSD doesn't. Right now, my husband and brother aren't on the best of terms so he got a little upset. A few minutes later he came and gave me a hug and told me he wasn't mad. He's said it a few times. This happened like an hour ago and my heart is still racing just typing it. On top of that, I haven't been to therapy in like two months cause I was in bed rest and now I have a newborn that I'm breastfeeding. And my anxiety meds are packed up in a camping bag so I haven't take. Them since Saturday night. Fuck I need to breathe.