So it used to be that if you got knocked up, THEN decided to marry, everyone would hold their heads…
So it used to be that if you got knocked up, THEN decided to marry, everyone would hold their heads in their hands and feel sorry for you because of course your marriage was doomed. Because, well, it sort of was. But this is 2015, people. And having a baby before you say “I do” won’t wreck your relationship!💑
A very cool nonprofit called The Council on Contemporary Families has a mission to educate us all about how and why today’s families are changing. (Just in case there are people out there who don’t watch “Modern Family”.)
Their researchers combed through data on women who had their first child between 1985 and 1995, then compared it to women who became moms between 1997 and 2010. The results were striking.
Women who had a baby first, married second, during that late ‘80s–early ’90s period were 60 percent more likely to later divorce. But for women in the more recent time period, the risk of divorce didn’t go up – at all.
“So, what’s changed?” seems like an obvious question. Back in 1985, Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” was a scandalous hit. And that’s just the tip of the cultural shift iceberg.🙀
The researchers from CCF attribute the big swing to more acceptance for “cohabitation before marriage.“
We asked Paul Hokemeyer, JD, PhD, a marriage and family therapist, to give us his take. He explained:
Fortunately, in America, we’ve adopted a dynamic definition of marriage that enables those who choose it to be enhanced rather than restricted by the privileges it provides. This includes discarding outdated and stigmatizing notions of who is entitled to celebrate their relationship by the institution of marriage.
In other words, it’s become less and less common to be judged for having a kid out of wedlock. Or having a same-sex partner. People, for the most part are like, “Whatevs. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”😊
Because of that acceptance, “couples can connect in the authenticity of their relationship rather than on judgmental standards that restrict … them,” Hokemeyer says.
And here’s the really juicy part:
“…having a baby out of wedlock only strengthens a couple’s resolve and commitment to their marriage if it’s something they chose for their family. By being a choice instead of an obligation, marriage for these couples is something they embrace, rather than feel trapped by.”
In other words, the plot of “Knocked Up” isn’t that far off after all.👶
What do you think? Is this happening to you? Share your story in the comments below.
Brittany Elliott·
I think a lot if people assume we got married because I got "knocked up". Except I didn't, my child was planned. & we had been talking about marriage for a while before that, it just happened that we decided to get married just a few months after I got pregnant.🙄
Sarah Drew·
Мама двоих (младенец)
my husband and I got married when our son was 10 months old.... we had always talked about getting married but hadn't done it then I had our son.... almost 2 years later we are still going strong
Amanda·
Hubby and I have been married 3 years this may. Our son turns 5 in October. While our marriage isn't perfect, he's perfect for me. ❤️☺️
Anna-marie·
Мама дочки (1 год)
I wish that was my case
Lily Freeman·
В ожидании первенца
that may be true, but i know a lot of females who never get married after they have the mans baby out of wedlock.. idk, I feel like this sets women up to be single parents.. b ut thats just my opinion
Darian·
В ожидании первенца
@lilfree16, I agree. if your going to not be married and make a baby, fine but be sure you want to be with that person for a long time. otherwise you end up a single mom with multiple baby daddies. plus you may have to deal with that person(s) for 18 years. thanks but no thanks
Lily Freeman·
В ожидании первенца
@geekymomma13 ..i rather just be married and we decided to have our babies afterwards..
Darian·
В ожидании первенца
@lilfree16, I have to say I agree. though we did end up pregnant just before we are too be married and will be before the baby is born. date was already set before we found out
Kat·
Мама дочки-младенца
I believe in marriage first wholeheartedly, but I also I think commitment is the key to relationship success. That's why marriage is a safeguard for children- the commitment is there. For couples that have children outside wedlock, commitment is the most important thing that will help things work out. :)
Deanna Eddards·
Мама дочки-младенца
I was 23 Weeks pregnant When I walked down the isle. my marriage couldn't be better! I am a happy mother to a wonderful 9 month old baby girl and I'm 22 weeks along with our son.
Rai Wilson·
Мама двоих (1 год, 6 лет), ждёт третьего
Me & my boyfriend arent engaged nor married. I am 35 weeks pregnant his family expects him to propose to me because they are southern baptists. My family says a baby doesn't mean we have to get married right away. My parents got married after my mom was pregnant at a younger age than me. Me & him want to but with due time of course. I get sad when I see all these girls getting engaged pregnant or not & I want to have the same last name as my son but its Gods plan... not mine.
deleted-user·
I went by what I felt was right for me, I graduated college, worked on me and my company, got married and had my beautiful son
Rachel·
В ожидании первенца
I believe in marriage first but it's not my place to judge when ppl make a different decision. It's a choice that everyone gets to decide is right for them. I think this article is trying to say less ppl are getting married out of obligation now they do it because they want to and not for fear of the shame of their peers and family. So as a result, less marriage = less divorce for that population.
emily·
Мама сына-младенца
My SO and I are not married and we are happier than ever. A piece of paper does NOT determine happiness. We are still together with only each other, and are as happy or maybe even happier than some married couples
Jessica·
Мама сына-младенца
I do wish I was married when j had my son but things happen when they are meant too. I'm beyond thankful for my beautiful baby boy😍💙
Darian·
Мама двоих (младенец)
A paper means nothing, im married but i also thought marriage was more for religious reasons. Only reason i said yes was cause its what my husband wanted. Our original date was in july. Already pre-planned and then baby came sooner. My family said dont marry cause of the baby. And his family pushed the matter of marriage. I honestly could do without being married and still be ok with my child being born.
Elizabeth Kramer·
Мама сына-младенца
marriage is in the heart not a piece of paper, paper is only for legal matters like taxes and insurance Exc.... but if you love each other and have a family and are together how do you not consider yourself married. there wasn't paper in bible time, you and your spouse were just together. the man would give a bird or lamb or an animal to show his wealth and worth to the women's family (father)
Laura Lee Torres·
Мама двоих (7 лет, 10 лет), ждёт третьего
I just got married on June 7th and I am religious I'm a christian and so is my husband..marriage is a beautiful thing...The most important thing is a strong foundation and mine is Jesus...God bless everyone married or not...
Lily Freeman·
В ожидании первенца
@emkramer you still had some type of ritual/ceremony though.. marriage was created by God before man decided to tweak it.. but to each their own.. its a difference to me.. my marriage is my convenant to my husband and to God witnessed by our friends and families.
Toya·
Well this was pretty offensive to some people...👀
Ashley·
В ожидании первенца
I agree with @lilfree16 marriage is established by God. Their is defiantly a difference, and getting married and then deciding to build your family is (to me) better than someone who didnt plan for the child.
Christine Gonzalez·
В ожидании первенца
@expectingz, totally agree 👍🏽 I don't look down on people that decide to start a family before getting married but that is definitely something I'm gna tell my daughter is not ok with me. Marriage always first so that God can bless your family even more.
Flo·
В ожидании первенца
were most of you ladies virgins before married?
Kartia·
Мама сына-младенца
Love This Post! I Don't Want To Get Married Becuz I Have A Baby, I'm Currently Engaged And We Are Great. I Don't Want To Get Married For Atleast 5 Years
analisia·
В ожидании первенца
me & my bf been together for 5 years and he gave me a promise/engagement ring about a year ago, then this year we found out I was expecting.. yes I'd like to get married but when the time is right. some of my family judge me for not being married before having my child but it's my life..... my bf parents never got married nd were together more then 25 years nd were happier then ever. and my parents been together for approximately 28 years nd are having issues..i personally think it's just a paper.. but to each there own. if God says I shall get married then so be it. but I agree having a child does test couple relationships. some make it nd some dont, nobody should be trapped in a marriage there not happy in
emily·
Мама двоих (младенец)
my boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years I was 8 months pregnant when we got together and he treats my son as if he was his own we have a 6 month old together and we army planning on getting married anytime soon but if we did we have the rings
Alex·
Мама сына (4 года), беременна (29 нед.)
I've been married going on 2 years this August and we are due with our second little one. We have been together 9 years in January though and had an amazing little boy who will be 5 in December. For us this post is 100% I can say our marriage is sooooo much stronger thanks to us having our son first. I wouldn't change it for the world. Don't get me wrong we still have our problems but have pushed more to resolve them due to having our son and soon our daughter as well.