Rant time: I guess I'm writing this just to vent but I think I finally felt like just bawling my eyes out. I don't turn…

Rant time: I guess I'm writing this just to vent but I think I finally felt like just bawling my eyes out. I don't turn my boyfriend on anymore. not just sexually but he doesn't look at me the same. Those green eyes don't adoringly look at me the same way anymore. The words he used to say never leave his lips or cross his mind. My arousement is futile as he pushes me away. I beg him to be with me, hold me, walk with me, eat dinner with me at the same table, but I'm shot down and left on my own for a screen and a controller. I place my hand on my stomach and choke back tears because its almost as if I don't exist, I'm background noise, a ghost in the room. In the audience of others I am the wall he needs to tear down to build himself up. The untidy house, my need to rest, and the hard work I do is simply not enough. So many ask how can you stand it? How do you love someone so much although they pretend you are not there? The answer put as simple as I can... "I'm still in love although he has fallen out of love"

Although he completes me he also ruins parts of me. I watch from behind... the sound of the television and our son moving inside. I hope not to sit here next to my son and see his eyes longing for his father and hope he will someday notice him. Time will only tell if this ugly spell will fade and once again I feel this love but until then I will practice hiding pain. For red eyes and a runny nose could just be my allergies and tears from my long eyelashes irritating my hazel mournful eyes.