At 3:23 pm today it will be 5 days that Ive had my newborn. Ive never been a mother. Never thought I would. 5 years ago I was talking about never having kids, and forgetting to do homework, running around town, and playing with friends, walking around the mall, and getting into all kinds of shenanigans.

I thought life was great, and at the time had no idea why, but everytime I made a friend, every game I played, any accomplishment I made, no matter what there was always a small space in my heart that refused to let anything in..

I met my now husband Thomas 3 years ago. I fell in love with him, made the bond with him of losing my virginity, got engaged to gime, had so many nice dates, and fun times with new friends, and still, no matter what, something was always missing. I never felt completely happy.

When I got pregnant, the feeling was still there, but I noticed something different about it.. it was like the dull feeling there in that spot on my hewrt had softened, in a way, and it was less noticable. That little lack of happiness wasnt so noticable anymore, and when I finally gave birth, when I saw his face, his eyes open, when I finally saw this little boy that was goinf to call me mom, and need me.. Love me, my heart damn near over flowed. It really did feel like I had my heart outside my body.

Ive never been a mom, and never thought Id be.. but as odd as it sounds, late night stay ups, dirty diapers, crying, etc. I couldnt be happier. No matter what, he doesnt frustrate me. He will never upset me. I love him more than the entire world,and I couldnt ask for a better life.