Trigger warning for sexual assault.

Trigger warning for sexual assault.

I hate these pregnancy dreams. The my seem to be dragging up bad memories and old emotions. My husband is on a camping trip out of state otherwise I'd cuddle up with him. I was completely fine with him going too. But now I'm fighting a panic attack because of dreams and memories. Doesn't help that I have a fever.

I know he loves me. And he hates that people have hurt me. And it's one thing to dream about the actual events, but it's strange to have new ones. Last nights dreams had two separate rapes completely unrelated to any of the real ones that I've been through (yes, I've experienced rape and sexual assault many times since I was 3 via 3 different men). Hell, I was even pregnant for one of em. And then later on in the dream I had a flashback to one of the ones from the dream. It was strange. And now I'm sick and exhausted but I'm almost scared to fall asleep because the majority of my dreams are no longer pleasant.