Ok this may be hard to read but this is the story of my first daughters birth. And YES this really did happen.. I wish…

Ok this may be hard to read but this is the story of my first daughters birth. And YES this really did happen.. I wish it didn't but it is permanently burned into my brain. I don't think I'll ever forget..

Its getting close to the end of this pregnancy which is number 3 for me and I'm getting terrified. With my first my experience was beyond awful. I went in for an induction. They started me on pitocin everything was ok. They took me off the drip so I could eat and start again in the morning. My OB came in at 7 am to break my water to start my labor. He shoved his entire arm in me manually dialated my cervix and broke my water. I cannot put into words the pain I felt with that I was in tears trying to scoot off the top of the bed. They then started the pitocin again. My epidural failed to work. 9 hours later I HAD to push. I was told I could not push until my OB got there. I waited in serious pain for over an hour and a half for him to get there. He cut me. No anesthetic. A few pushes my daughter was born. He then proceeded to sew me up NO ANESTHETIC!!!! I was screaming I could feel everything he was doing. He told me I was overreacting I just felt the pulling from the stitches it was normal. Afterwards I had insanely heavy bleeding I was beyond exhausted I was passing huge clots and everyone telling me oh you'll forget the pain. I'm sorry but its been 3 years I'm not going to forget. I'm paralyzed with fear of birth now. I'm freaking out. My son is due May 6th and I'm terrified. It is insanely scary when someone you're supposed to trust and keep you from pain inflicts that kind of pain. I no longer have that doctor but I have a different doctor than I did with my second who was amazing I barely remember my labor she was kind. Made sure my pain was a 3 or lower. I'm so scared..... :(