I saw my grandfather today at the hospital.. He is hanging in there. he told me he loved me and he was proud of me. & he asked about the pregnancy. then he told me he wished they could give him a shot and just take it all away, take him away. he said he'd lived a great life, but he can't do it anymore.. he doesn't know how much more he can take. that seriously killed me inside.. seeing the strongest man in your life, so weak.. seeing him in pain.. it hurts soo much. I can remember all the times we had together when I was a kid. we grew up in the house right next to my grandparents. I remember sitting on the porch with him and watching the thunder storms. I remember when I was so little, he'd let me sit in his lap and steer the truck while we went down our road.. I remember when we were bad or acting crazy he'd tell us "be purdy now!" I have so many memories of him.. I have to cherish those and I will, forever. I just want him to go in peace, when he's ready. I want him to fight, but if he can't then he just can't. like my great uncle told me today, the Lord has a plan and he has never messed up before, he won't mess up now.. he said we have to stay strong for each other... I am so hard trying to stay strong. I haven't told anyone about any of this.. My way of staying strong is to hold in it, I guess..