Currently feeling like an idiot. I'll never put my feelings first, why is that such a hard task. Why…

Currently feeling like an idiot. I'll never put my feelings first, why is that such a hard task. Why do I keep wasting my time on someone who doesn't want me. And how can he say he does if his actions don't show it. I can't always be the bad guy. I get that I'm a defensive person, I've been through too much and can't process things like I used to. Emotional or mental pain is something I can't handle. Drag me through hell and back and torture me if you must but messing with my mind is so much more hurtful. broken bones heal, broken minds dont.