Anybody's depression get so bad that you start doubting your ability to be a mother even though you know how crazy it…

@sweetpea_nut, I seriously think we are the same person. I do everything for mine as well. I cook when he is hungry, when in pain I massage his back, or his feet. Even when I didn't work I would do something to earn money so I could buy him something. Now he had a job and he had only taken me too dinner once.. The rest he might buy my food here and there but never even the slightest present. I make sure he comes home to a clean room. I fold his laundry. Showing that I want to be the one to take care of him, sadly not only because I care but because I just want to be recognized. And want to be thanked and appreciated. Yet I never get it... We got a car in December in my name, that I've only driven three times... Of course he has it for work. And on the weekends he just leaves and never asks me once if I want to go. And sadly again I will just get ready to see if he will notice. Yet I just cry when he leaves and when he comes him I act like I was never sad because when I do I get called a cry baby.. I've been called every name in the book by him when he gets mad, he has hurt me so much. Yet I forgive him and let it go, but the second I simply get an attitude or try and defend myself I'm automatically eliminated from being together again, and the worst person in the world that can't do anything right, that's what he told me yesterday and said I haven't tied tried to fix anything when I have. He had me seriously feeling like I was never going to be good enough for him and probably not a mother.. And I sat there in the shower on my knees begging and screaming to take the pain away, and I just wanted to be done, and I still know the moment he returns home tomorrow it's going to change my mind and I'm going to fall into him because in the end, in his arms is where I've always been safe.. I hate she has to feel all that I'm feeling and I feel I'm suppose to be stronger for her sake and if I can't be strong enough to show her when to walk away then I'm already failing as a role model.. I feel selfish because I don't want to lose him but I know I'm suppose to put her first, but ain't I putting her first because I want to have a happy family? I just don't understand life anymore..

@megbaby07, I've done everything for my baby's dad... Money I didn't have just so he can make it by until his next pay check. I'm the one who drives out there to see him because he's been so broke he hasn't been able to afford freaking gas. He has done nothing for me. Why do I help? Because I care way too much. I know he doesn't deserve it. Ditching me in a hotel because he was so mad when we were "dating" then begging me to abort. But then he calls me out of the blue asking to see me and the little bump I had. I had half the mind to curse him out for all the pain he put me through but I went over there... I wanted that chance for our daughter to have a mom and dad, even if all we could be were friends... We talk then after I plan on leaving he kisses me... We got into the routine where I'd come over and hang out. Confused the hell out of me. We're getting along but communication has been the biggest issue. Then of course money. He says he's gonna help me with money and baby stuff, come see me instead of me driving there, all this and that which is great and he says he wants to but do I believe him? Idk. But I cling on to the little hope because I see how great we can be together if he can just get his shit together. I'm tired of playing superhero. That's my personality but that doesn't mean it's easy for me. I would like to be rescued once in awhile. To be taken cared of. To not always initiate conversations then be ignored. And now with this little one coming in only 3 months, I could really use the help. I'm just not getting it. I never ask. I don't beg. But now I'm at my breaking point. Especially because he leaves again in March. There's always a crisis that he has to handle and I'm put on the back burner with my lips sealed because I don't want to come off selfish but I can't do it anymore. All this stress and crying, is affecting her and it kills me. It's like, I'm glad you're excited that you're having a daughter, I am too, but I need more than that. I need to know I can depend on you and I'm just not getting that. I feel like I'm failing at everything else in my life but I can not fail her. She needs her dad. And I hate to even say it but I do too... I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Like, I want to say "screw you" but then I should have said it so many months ago. I'm in too deep now and I don't want to be the cause of why her dad isn't around or why we aren't getting along. I don't want that life for her.

@lalamichelle0707, please lol. Because I can't take much more

@megbaby07, I haven't learned to yet. I will let you know when I unlock the answer 😝

@sweetpea_nut, & then you get the mindset that I'm done and moving on, but it seems when you do they come right in an make you forget about it and make you see why you have hope for so long even when you have felt so beaten that you don't feel like anymore could hurt more. I still live with him and we have plans to live together, like why would you do that if you didn't think you truly wanted to try? If you didn't care then why wouldn't you just go ahead and we figure this out instead of making feel both alone but like we are making it somewhere? Like they don't understand that we are staying because we know the real love they can bring. But I'm at the point it feels like I gave him a kid and now he is done with me sometimes.. Like that's what he wanted from me. And I want to be so much more. Like I want to take care of him. Cook for him, be that mom and eventually wife that is appreciated and truly. proud of.. Instead after a terrible fight today I'm sitting at home all alone, with nobody to talk too, trying to get myself to pull together. But I just cry and think about where I went wrong in life to deserve this. Thinking was I suppose to have this? Was this what I was meant to be in life? A person that felt like a failure all the time? That gives and gives and still gets nothing but hurt in return. How much can I take?

@megbaby07, I feel like I just read my own words... I know my sister went through a pregnancy alone and she was the one who inspired me to stay strong when he and I weren't on a good speaking words at the time. I accepted the fact back then that regardless I'll be raising her basically on my own. I know if I could get that confidence in my life I would be able to move on but since we have been "together" and he's acted like he wants to be involved and has told me that's he's excited... Like, I'm confused. The time we've spent with each other, practically everyday, I want that future. That future where he's around, kissing me, playing with the baby, taking care of her, lying in bed with me... I want that. Why wouldn't I? So I've been clinging on to that in hopes that it'll be a reality. But even when he's only a short distance away I still feel alone. Then money has been issue and will always be an issue. It just a never ending nightmare. He and I have had a rocky, terrible start, even when I found out about her. Now that have been getting along, I want it to progress but how can it when I don't even know what he wants. It's just too many things at once. It's hard to trust someone when they haven't truly given you that option, especially through all the past bs. I want to depend on him but I can't.

@sweetpea_nut, right like it might sound stupid that someone can take your happiness but how can I do this alone. Like I know it happens a lot but I still want someone to want me as much as I want them... Not someone that may be ashamed of me. Like its bad but I'm jealous of everyone that has that happy life... Ive never even had a single good relationship. My first ever was abusive. And the rest was cheated or lied on. Makes me feel like I'm the cause of it all...

@megbaby07, you're not alone. I totally understand where you're coming from. We all have this mindset and as a soon to be mom you want to give your child everything, even the one thing that shouldn't be a worry: a dad. Someone by your side through it all! Not one who talks crap or doesn't talk at all. When you're not happy, how can you be a good mom? Just too much pressure for one to handle. When I try to explain it to others I feel like I sound silly but it's not when it makes me want to burst in tears. Ugh.

@sweetpea_nut, man it's like we speak the same language! Nobody understands me when I say that, they just expect me to be like "I'm done and leave" when it's not so easy for someone that is mentally and emotionally sick like it's hard..

@megbaby07, exactly... Do you keep pushing and try to make things work for not only you but your baby even if it breaks your heart or move on and still have your heart broken for two people... Like how do you know what the best thing is to do

@sweetpea_nut, that last part has bugged me too... I feel like a failure because I can't even keep the person I'm in love with and on top her father around. He doesn't ever want to do anything with me anymore. Like I almost feel like a failure as a human, like a waste of space. I have nobody to talk too... Like how do I allow someone to take such a big toll on me when I know I deserve better. Yet I just can't let it go..

@megbaby07, I understand where you're coming from. We haven't been "together". We dated a bit but one weekend at the beach just ended things really bad. Later on I found out I was pregnant and for months it was a battle with him. It wasn't until about November we got "together" to work on things and of course for the baby. We haven't discussed on the topic of being in a committed relationship, I've been wanting to but at this rate I'm not sure it would even be possible. I know he worries about the future but there's always a crisis where we can't even talk. Then that's another thing, I can't give my daughter her own father around...

@sweetpea_nut, I hate that for you, I couldn't imagine. Me and her father have been "together" for 3 years. And we cut it off last year due to issues and we came back together to wrk on things. Then I got pregnant and we are great but he says he doesn't want a committed relationship. And it's been hard on me... And he treats me like trash sometimes and doesn't see it

@megbaby07, I've been having issues with her father as well... The fact that he's a marine he's constantly gone. He was gone for two months and just recently came back. He'll even miss her birth plus more.. His communication absolutely sucks so it's frustrating. There are things we need to do and it's not getting done so I'm stressing myself out. I'm not getting the help I need so I worry about the future like can I really handle this..

@sweetpea_nut, yeah I had it before as well and not only that but I've been dealing with so much with her father and he basically told me today I can't do anything right... And It made me feel like I'm truly not prepared for this..

That's me. Every day. I had the worst break down the past two days. I'm not taking care of myself (hectic daily schedule) which in turn I'm not taking care of my baby so that makes me feel like a piece of crap mom. It's hard and I'm failing her. I've had depression before pregnancy and it's only gotten worse. Distractions only last for so long.

@lalamichelle0707, how do you move past it..

Yes!! All the time

@xtianaaax, yeah, like you aren't going to be good enough. That's all that goes through my head anymore..

that's my biggest fear that the baby is just gonna cry and cry and is gonna hate me.

@xtianaaax, that's me, I feel like if I can't handle myself, I won't be able to handle the baby.. And it scares me to death

my biggest fear thought is the baby is gonna be crying and I'm just gonna leave.