I found myself very annoyed today. There was a big debate on facebook on who comes first in a mans life. Wife, Daughter, Mom, And Bm... I told people my fiance comes first because he's the father of both of my children, and we're one, a union. Our children's needs are met by both of us financially and emotionally plus he consults me when it comes to his daughter because she talks to me and more open.. What I lack, he brings to the table and same with him. He's more serious and I'm the one to get to the bottom of the problem and willing to talk. My fiance also said when your married a bm/bd has no place in a your life.. that's where your child that you have with her/him comes into place. Your responsibility is to take care of that child and handle any needs... You have nothing to talk about besides the child. Which I do agree with him. But a lot of ppl said kids comes before spouse.. Kids needs comes before Spouse but you wouldn't be able to meet all those needs without your spouse so why should your spouse come after your child and mother?
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@losmartinez, your correct it doesn't... and it's only right to leave if it's unhealthy. He's a great provider, lover and father. We argue but we also talk it out. Not everyone's situation is the same...
@mommyofdmm, oh no doubt. but at times the relationship just doesn't work and I don't believe in staying in it because of a child. that WILL ruin his life.
I respect those who put their children first because I was raised by a single mom. when she did finally find her love, we were still her priority. but as a soon to be mom myself, I agree more with putting my husband first. he is my best friend, my confidant. without him my little baby wouldn't even be here. he is a wonderful man, and we have a very healthy relationship. we always take care of each other and because we do that, we can take care of our child's needs together. this is all just my opinion though 😊
Putting your husband first doesn't mean loving him more or treating your children bad... It is just simply making sure you nurture the foundation first so the children can thrive and receive what they need from both parents. If you don't take care of the foundation, it will crack and break and the children lose their family unit. Disclaimer: I am only talking about healthy parents, of course there are situations where the children are better off with one parent!
@momtonoasophia, it has been a long way coming lol but since day one he has met his son and daughters needs.. His dad died when he was one so he vowed to be in his kids life no matter how much pressure or hard it gets.. Doesn't want any of them to grow up without a father like he did, he agrees a mother can raise her kids but every child needs their father which I agree.
@mommywishes, maybe that's the problem since the topic was brought up im like your spouse and child is your family as one. But i think this is more based on people who have kids outside the marriage.. Because my fiance and son run in the same category my family. My fiance feels his daughter is apart of our family which I agree she is.. we both meet every aspect of her needs. I do for her just like my own.
@mommyofdmm i just spoke to my husband about this question and he said his kids come first too. then he reprhased it..we cannot seperated the kids from the wife or husband...the real answer should be our family comes before both of us. meaning my husband and my kids come well being comes first. if everybody is not feeling loved and appreciated, with their needs being met..the family as a whole and will suffer.
whatttt yes girl!!!!!! you def know what you doing! you are satisfying him and in return he is satisfying the children.I was just reading something about women having to be the example for men because they don't always understand. meaning we have to show them the way and cater to them and when their love levels are filled they will want to do everything they can to fill yours and by association the children. keep doing what your doing! I need to learn from you lol @mommyofdmm
@momtonoasophia, I am trying lol.. he goes beyond our children's needs.. buying power wheels, and tablets.. he even stacks up on diapers.. Takes our son out to do different activities.. If I have to pay a bill or he has to pay a bill and my son needs something the one that can get it at the moment does. That's a union to me working together.. I can't put my son before him because without him all his needs would not be met.
@mommywishes, my mom put men before her kids for years and I do resent her! but this is different to me. In a marriage you and your spouse are union. You guys both tend to the child's needs.. not just one parent. Without you guys being a union no one will be happy. My fiance and I both work and bring clothes, shoes and food into the house for our kids. The child's needs, and happiness are met 1st by me and him and think that's the point everyone is missing. Your mom literally put a man before you and your needs last.
I think if your spouse is doing well and loving the children like he should and always being there then you are doing something right. its your relationship, not their's. be that exception and prove people wrong 😊😊 @mommyofdmm
@momtonoasophia, Exactly. people were saying if my spouse doesn't understand then they can leave... that is not a successful marriage.. but everyone story is different.
Always my man. Without our needs being met we can't possibly give our all to a child.
i have no kids yet but my babies will come first. i have been the child, that mother first priority was her husband. and that hurt my feelings and caused me to resent her a little because..i could always tell she cared for him more. not to mention he sucked as a step dad. my husband will just have to understand..that my kids happiness and well being comes before his and his comes before mines.
Yup! Partner comes first... It's healthier that way for the children. If more people understood this there would be less broken families.
@losmartinez, my child's wellbeing and needs are met by me and his dad.. but without me and his dad being a union and working together our family would not work. We have to consult each other financially, Physically and emotionally. I cant consult my child on a bill, grocery's, clothes shopping or car needing to be fixed. I consult my husband.. but my child's needs always remain the #1 priority
my husband comes first not saying I will neglect my kids but he is the head of our house and I trust him to lead our family
@maya_rose, finally someone that agrees. My grandmother explained to me this point and I go with everything my grandmother says because she and my grand dad had daughters before they were married and they helped eachother be involved in each others daughter lives. But without each other they could not have done that.
I agree with you and I understand that others disagree because they have their own opinions but I've always believed a happy man means a happy wife and happy children. you can't be giving your all to your children and leave out the man because he can come to resent the kids or it could unintentionally lead to relationship problems but if everyone is helping to support and make each other happy there's no question that the children will have everything
I kind of feel where you're coming from, but to me, my kids come before anyone. Their dads as well. I get along with my daughters dad, and I'm married to someone else. But, my daughter comes before both of them because her happiness and wellbeing are more important.
a lot of ppl argue the point of the kids come first but I too believe that my fiance come first because you are right...without our union the kids wouldn't even be here!
Right!