let me share my story.... I will start at the beginning. I am 23 and pregnant again. divorced a year now. I had one other child in 2011. I got pregnant when I was 18, then got married, 3 weeks after my wedding I gave birth to my son, Ashling. I had the family I always wanted but it didn't last long. Ashling's father wanted nothing to do with us just like the father of this baby doesn't. I can really pick the boys huh ladies.... Ashling was sick. a lot. he would cover himself, the wall, his crib, everything in puke at night. I got worried about him choking so I asked his doctor what I could do to prevent that from happening. he told me to prop him up in something so he wouldn't choke. so I rolled up some baby blankets, put them under a boppy and used that to prop him up. some times goes by and this helps immensely. April 12th, 2012 4:30am, I have been up all night watching tv because I can't sleep I decide to go check in on him. I found my son face down in his boppy, barely breathing. I froze. I didn't know what to do. I gently picked up my son and laid him down on his changing table then ran and woke my husband up telling him ashling wasn't breathing properly. we called an ambulance and raced to the hospital. they hooked him up to life support for 2 1/2 hours before telling us hr was alive, but brain dead. we could keep him that way but he would always seem like he was sleeping. my husband looked at me said it's your choice. don't get me wrong, everything in my body wanted him to stay alive but I couldn't see my son living like that. that's not living. so, alone, I made the decision to hold my son until his body gave out. 8 hours later he drew his last breath as I sang You are my sunshine by Anne Murray to him for the last time. we had him cremated and had no service. I couldn't do it. my marriage lasted 2 years after that happened, but I stayed with him for 3 more years. and he beat me for 3 years saying I killed my son that it was my fault. I believed it too. I let him almost kill me before I left... my ex husband killed himself on my birthday this past year after I left. there ya go I know it's a lot to read but that's my story