Trigger. Lost baby

Went in for my 20 week check up and found out our son had passed away. Nothing was wrong, my pregnancy has been going great. I'm so numb right now. I'll he delivering him later this week. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Not before Christmas. How am I'm going to tell my kids?? My dear sweet baby boy. Why did this happen?

Took this lastnight...and I'm not sure how I should feel. I've made a terrible mistake by having sex so soon after having a baby but it has made such a precious thing. I really don't want to have an abortion but my Fiancé does. I understand why he wants to go that route but I just would feel absolutely terrible about doing that. I cried all night...I really don't know what to do. PLEASE NO JUDGING IM ONLY POSTING THIS FOR SUPPORT.

Short Luteal Phase?

I've just started temping because I believe that the reason I haven't had a BFP yet, after 20 months, is because I believe I may have a Luteal Phase Defect.

Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,

his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...

So my son is 5 years old and he's very behind on knowing his ABC's and numbers and also writing his name. I don't know what to do because he starts kinder next month.