tomorrow is my first ultrasound, don't get me wrong I am happy, but since i found out i am pregnant I can't get excited... like i find myself getting excited and then i have to stop myself. my first pregnancy was a stillborn so i just can't enjoy my pregnancies, same thing happened when i was pregnant with my son... my son is now 7 and he is sooo excited about a baby he tells me "mom tomorrow we get to see our baby! are you exited?" i love the way he says "our" lol i wish i could be happy but then i get the dark thoughts that what if this baby doesn't make it.. 💔 i can't help it...
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I'm so sorry that you have to feel this way. I am the mother of an angel baby as well, but I was only 13 weeks along. I can't get excited either because the worry is overwhelming. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.
Hopefully after this appointment you'll feel some relief. Let yourself be happy. Get a doppler for at home for peace of mind, if you would like. Let every milestone remind you to feel joyous and excited. I know it's hard and scary but you deserve to enjoy this pregnancy with your son.
I'm on the same emotional roller coaster. My baby died at 18 weeks and now I'm pregnant but I don't want to get too excited. That was a traumatizing event. Best of luck! And many prayers for you.