So my bd left us last Monday, Tuesday I got into an accident with my oldest daughter in the car, bd never came to…

So my bd left us last Monday, Tuesday I got into an accident with my oldest daughter in the car, bd never came to hospital, this past Monday I was in hospital for contractions and checked and sent home with contractions, been contracting on and off since then and have been losing my mucus plug since early evening last night, I'm uncomfortable and exhausted physically and mentally, I can't sleep to save my life, I just wanted soup last night and my bd told me to go get some, he's such a big man, I texted him my feelings on how he's treating me and his daughter and his reaction made me sick, I wish it was that easy for me to turn my feelings off and walk away, I could most def never turn my back on my kids though, that I'll never understand, I am scheduled to be induced Saturday at 6am if she doesn't make her appearance sooner and I'll be heading in alone, he only wants the call when she'll be here soon, makes me sick! I'm debating on whether to call him or not before she's here bc I don't want his presence to take away from my enjoying the experience of her birth, I want to be happy in the moment not heart broken! Lord give me strength please bc I'm not sure how much I can keep taking! I've been separated from my two older daughters since going to the hospital Monday night bc I'm not doing too hot and I'm of no use to them at this point I can barely function and when they see me again I want it to be happy I don't want them to see me crying or in pain! I miss my babies more than anything! My youngest is being brought to see me for a few after school today so at least I get to see her a bit! I'm so lost! All I can do is cry and stress and wonder! I can't give up though my three daughters need me and I'm all they've got to hold it down here!