He stayed home fir the first time in days sunday night. I barely slept because all I wanted to do…

He stayed home fir the first time in days sunday night. I barely slept because all I wanted to do was touch him smell him and stare at him . Everytime I woke back up I was scared he wasn't there again. He touched wrapped himself around me for his last roughly 1-2 hours of sleep . I cherished and begged for it not to stop. It did when he woke at 6am . I cried s little to myself. I've never had to beg for his affection. Romance is dying/dead for us now. He doesn't want it . I have to ask for a kiss. And I only get one each time. But he lets me hug him almost as long as I want and I cherish that and his presence.

I hate myself... I'm not sulking ... I'm trying not to get depressed...I just want us to get through this... It's hard... I love him.