I need to rant.. I'm way too frustrated!!!! My worst mistake was telling my mother early on in my…

I had a similar thing happen. We asked my mom and MIL to not tell until we were ready. Of course they told people and then told them not to tell us that they knew, which made it even more awkward. And my mom has told everyone she knows what names we're considering. I feel a little between a rock and a hard place, because on the one hand it's not *that* big of a deal plus I know my mom is just excited and I don't want to hurt her feelings. On the other hand, of course, it's totally frustrating!

@risatina ugh! I'm so glad you understand.. What are you doing in this situation?! I am so frustrated right now I feel like crying! I just exploded on her and I honestly don't feel bad at all bc my mom has done this ALL my life!!! She just can't contain herself and keep my personal shit personal!!!! It's not that big of a deal for them but whatever we consider a big deal needs to be respected. Especially something so emotional like this, for us. It just isn't fair. I know it's not fair for me to not include her in any of my visits or anything but that's what she has pushed me to decide. It's just not fair. It's my personal life and if she can't keep my stuff personal I just won't include her in anything. This really hurts me how she always does this to me and then wants to act like the damn victim. Fuck this!!!!

My mom was the same way until I cut her off. She didnt believe that I would but I stopped talking to her and telling her stuff. She learned right quick I wasn't playing. When I told her I was pregnant on Mothers Day, I told her if she opened her mouth she wouldn't see me until the baby was born and maybe not even then. She kept it to herself.

@marmber my mom is just always playing the victim role. I'm tired of this shit. I did already tell her that she's not coming to any of my visits anymore and I damn sure mean it. I'm will be including her in everything as minimally as possible. I'm not playing with her anymore. I can cry right now out of anger. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this. I always felt as if I'm the only one who has a mother like this.

Honestly I decided to just kind of ride the wave and see what happens, because I was already at the point where I was pretty okay with people knowing, plus I know she is just excited and I don't want to take away that happy feeling. But if I get to a point where I'm really uncomfortable, I'll have a talk with her. I think you're right when you say that to them it's no big deal and they don't "get" why we're being so particular about it. I both see their point (I do think sometimes I am a little more private than is necessary) and I totally see your point that it's a big deal to us and therefore it should be respected. It did help me a lot though to sit down and think about it from my mom's perspective. She really is just super excited to be becoming a grandmother (and not for nothing, that is "her" news, even if it's contained in my news). If you are truly upset, I think calm and collected is usually the best way to address these things. Having a calm (stern, but calm) conversation might help to drive home the fact that you are a mom aka an authority figure now too, and this is what is important to you and your child. Not to open a whole 'nother can of worms, but I feel like that's a little wrapped up in this too, for me at least. My mom will always see me as her kid, but I'm grown and am a mom myself now. That needs to be established and respected, but I think for me personally the way to do that is to be calm and to pick my battles.

@juliannap mine didnt play the victim but refused to acknowledge that she was wrong or didnt do anything wrong. You don't need the stress of this, take it as a lesson learnt and enjoy your pregnancy. Hopefully this will teach her and she'll change for the better.

Another note -- the playing the victim thing is definitely not what you need from her right now! It might be best to just be selective about what she knows from now on. Because having a calm conversation may do nothing if you are dealing with an irrational reaction from her!

As soon as I told my mother I told her not to go and tell everyone right away, including my father, I knew he wouldn't be mad or anything but I just wanted more time and I wanted just my mom to know so I said maybe in a week we can tell him and sure enough not even 30 minutes after we get home she tells my father...smh... Later that night gets on the phone with my grandmother and tells her... My grandmother gets on the phone with my aunt, tells her... Etc etc it's like a virus that spreads and they do this with EVERYTHING it's honestly their donuts and coffee in the morning and gossip.

@risatina, @marmber she's in her room crying (victim) I've dealt with this all of my life. She always wants to seem like the innocent one. I just went off on her and I know it's not the right thing to do as I will feel bad later about doing it but I just can't help myself :( just 2 days ago I caught her telling my cousin (which I don't speak to AT ALL because my family is all FAKE!) and showing her the video of my baby's heartbeat. She knows those were the first people I wanted them to know NOTHING about what's going on in my life and she just can't fucken help it!!!! Idk why she just can't respect my wishes.. That's all I've ever asked from her :( I know she's sooooo happy and this is probably the best news she has always heard but I really feel like she needs to respect me. She's never learned her lesson. I remember about 5 years ago my best friend tried commuting suicide and was at the hospital, I told her very personal as this was something so so so personal and the next day my whole family knew about it :/ I know I'm NOT wrong. I pray to God that she changes. This isn't fair. I feel really bad for yelling at her but I can't take this anymore... :/

if you knew she can't keep a secret why tell her?

@yahuahsdaughter I was very excited when I got the positive that I didn't even think of her big mouth problem. Also, she was the only one in the house when I took the test so I kind of froze and idk. From the excitement I just told her. I did regret it afterwards. It also didn't really bother me about her telling people UNTIL she told someone that I highly highly dislike.

@juliannap, ugh, it definitely sounds like you've dealt with your fair share of this in the past, so it definitely makes sense that you would reach a point where you wouldn't be able to take it anymore! I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hopefully your reaction is making her think and will lead to some new approaches on her part.

i understand cause my mom was like this but after 10 years of fights she finally learned to shut her mouth. i tell her to just tell nosy people to go ask me about my bussiness. and thats what she does. i done think ur mom does it un purpose. just tell her not to tell anyone else after this.