I'm kinda on auto pilot... my baby shower is this Saturday and I don't know how to really feel about…

I'm kinda on auto pilot... my baby shower is this Saturday and I don't know how to really feel about it. I am tired emotionally , mentally and physically. I am trying to focus on celebrating my baby boy, but again unfortunately my mind drifts into thoughts of his father and everything he has put us through. I don't want to be sad anymore, I don't wanna be mad anymore... I'm scared.