somehow managed to think myself into a depression. we've been packing up to move and in the process…

somehow managed to think myself into a depression. we've been packing up to move and in the process of all this I came across the present I got for my mom for Christmas. it's not the first time I've gotten her a present that she wasn't around to receive. I always think she will be but that is never garunteed. she either steals things and runs away before she us caught or she gets arrested again or she is back in prison or back on drugs. that is if she ever got off them in the first place. but this gift in particular made me especially upset. this time she was in a halfway house. I thought it was a good place for her to be. I thought maybe she will really do better this time. the gift I got her wasn't expensive but I put a lot of thought into it. it was a locket type necklace that came with a set of birthston stones that you could put inside. I put mine and my sister's and two brothers' birthstones in it. and she was gone before I could give it to her again. she came back a few weeks ago and my dad was kind enough to let her stay with us for a few days. but she kept begging for money that I didn't want to give to her because of her record with drugs. I don't mind buying her things she needs or just to be nice but ivwont enable her. I lied about how much money I had hoping she would quit asking but she didn't. I never gave in though. but she ended up stealing one of my dad's checks. my dad kicked her out before he even in knew. when he found out he pressed charges. but before the process was even over she was already back in prison for other reasons.

moral of this story I will never ever be like her. I will always be there for my children. I will never abandon them or lie to them for my own gain. I will never put myself in a place to become an addict. I will never steal from my children. I will never put my children in a place where it is uncomfortable for them to call me their mother. I will be better than her. I will never be a dead beat. I WILL love my children and put them first always no matter what age they are.