Мама выбрасывает детское кресло: боль утраты и память о ребёнке

I had to throw away August's infant car seat.

When clearing out the closet I was storing it in, I realized it'll expire this month. I'd saved it in case we ever had another baby, but it's no longer safe to use. I can't justify keeping something so large with no use, so in the trash it went.

I know, every mom goes through the "big feelings about throwing away their children's stuff" thing, but it's not just that.

I bought that car seat 5 years ago for August's big brother Oliver.

It was one of the first things I bought for him, aside from the baby onesie we grabbed excitedly when we were full of hope purchasing the pregnancy tests in Walmart.

It belonged to him, and he belonged to me, and now he's gone, and so is it. And it feels like I'm throwing away the few pieces I have left of him.

Every time I look out our living room window and see the trash can lid raised slightly from the car seat under it, I break a little more.

No matter how much time passes, even if you finally get your rainbow baby, little things here and there will always bring back the pain of losing your child.