Почему жертвы не уходят: вопросы к абьюзеру, а не к выжившим

“Why didn’t she just leave?”

Why didn’t he just not abuse her?

Why didn’t he stop manipulating her?

Why didn’t he stop financially

contolling her? Why didn’t he stop isolating her from her friends & family?

Why didn’t he stop threatening to k*ll her?

Why didnt he stop threatening to take his own life if she left?

Why did he blame her for everything wrong In his life, instead of choosing to do any self-reflection?

Why didn’t he stop the first time she said no? Why didn’t he respect her boundaries, after she expressed them multiple times to him?? And then he would choose to trample all over them instead.

Why didn’t he manage his anger instead of weaponizing it? Why did he use weaponized incompetence instead of helping her?

Why didn’t he choose empathy over control?

Why didn’t he just leave if he was so unhappy with her?

Why did he gaslight her about the smallest things so she’d feel like she was going insane, instead of just being a proper adult?? Why did he forbid her from having friends of any sort, then have a close female “friend” he’d turn to for any & everything??

Why didn’t he seek any form of therapy or help instead of taking it out on her? Why did he block her fron getting help and therapy that she needed, when it’d benefit both of them- including himself choosing that, too?

Why didn’t he believe her fears mattered? Why did he use her fears against her?? Why did he violate her and then tell her it’s what she’d wanted when it’s still not the truth?

Why didn’t he see her as a person instead of as an object for pleasure, and/or property?

Why didn’t he stop after apologizing and promising to change?

Why didn’t he take any responsibility instead of making excuses for it?

Why do we interrogate survival instead of violence?

Why do we expect victims to be perfect, rational, fearless, and resourced in terror?

Why is “just leave” treated as simple when abuse is designed to make leaving dangerous?

Why is the burden always on the person being hurt to fix what they didn’t break, instead of on the toxic person for being toxic and harmful?

And the biggest why of all:

Why is it still easier for society or people to question a victim’s choices rather than to confront an abuser’s actions? Because asking “why didn’t she leave?” is comfortable, & asking “Why did he abuse her?” demands a form of accountability.