As I left the hospital room, I took one last look around and tears began to fall down my cheeks.

It hit me — I’d never be here again, with a car seat in my hand and my newborn secured safely inside.

He is our last baby.

I will never be pregnant again.

I’ll never feel first kicks (or last kicks for that matter).

I’ll never take another bump picture or buy another coming home outfit.

I’ll never feel another contraction or the gush of my water breaking.

I’ll never again anxiously await the arrival of a son or a daughter.

I’ll never again have that amazing feeling of accomplishment and excitement when the doctor puts my brand new baby on my chest for the first time.

And although I am so grateful to have the gift of being a mother, I can’t help but be sad.

I can’t help but mourn this season of my life that has come to a close.

I look forward to what the next season has to bring. But closing the door to pregnancy and childbirth forever will still take some time to accept.

—Paige Martinek