Thanks both, I have general anxiety and I try and visualise every worst case scenario rather than positives. And strangely enough whenever I think of having 2 children there are 2 scenarios I picture 1) a happy holiday with 2 kids playing together then 2) trying to get two screaming kids into car seats and everything packed and what if they are both travel sick like my LO is, and it makes me panic because its those little moments of stress that send me into anxiety and sensory overload, and ultimately I don't want those little stresses to accumulate and impact other things

I honestly don't think you can stop it, people say you know for sure when your done with having babies. In your case it doesn't sound like your done, it sounds more like you will always wonder 'what if' and maybe go on to resent your decisions. Also although you got ppd last time it doesn't mean it will happen again, you've already adjusted to one child and adding another 1 to it isn't that bad you just adjust again ( so much easier and seems to fly by the tough baby stages with 1+ children i think ). As you've also said you felt like this before your first, so that desire has appeared again, and your not going to shift it 😕.

Hope you make the right decision for you ❤️

I'm confused, you say you dont want another child but you very clearly do if you're crying and having panic attacks about it.
By the sounds of things I think you're overthinking everything. Having another child isnt going to destroy your life, they are big responsibilities yes but if you want another that badly then you'll make it work.
I just dont think theres any quick answer to this it's just down to you deciding whether you want another or not.
Ive just had a quick scroll back through your profile and youve been talking about baby number 2 for a long time. I think youre in denial about the fact you desperately want another child but your situation is holding you back. At the end of the day youre already in mum mode another child isnt going to be as hard to adjust to as the first.

As ive said before though your other half isnt going to suddenly start being super dad as that just isnt him. So youve got a few options, have another baby with him with the full expectations of raising the child mostly on your own. Leave and maybe find another relationship with someone who would be a better dad. Or settle with never having more kids. X