What I HATE about my husbands depression: I hate that it had to surface at the end of my pregnancy,…
What I HATE about my husbands depression:
I hate that it had to surface at the end of my pregnancy, when I was too hormonal to understand the depths of it, or to even comfort him as a wife should. I hate that I was never educated, so instead of being there for him, I was ignorant, and selfish in my own feelings. I hate how it’s made him feel. I hate how he has put a wall up because he is so ashamed and mad at himself. I hate how it’s made him feel he doesn’t love me, or miss me while he’s gone for work for a week at a time. I hate how it’s given me such bad situational anxiety that I have to remind myself to be happy in the moment for my kids. I hate how much I cry, I hate how much I can’t focus on anything other then his depression and the effects of it. I hate how it has consumed MY life, and how I’m letting that affect my oldest son. I hate how even though my husband is slowly getting better finally, I’m making worse with my own anxious thoughts. I’m learning, I’m growing, I’m giving myself grace, and hopefully getting on some damn Xanax tomorrow. Thanks for coming to my thought dump 😂💀
JenX·
I would try other things before Xanax. It's beyond addicitve and is a Band aid rather than a cure. I have been in healthcare for 15+ years and have seen it do so much more damage than good. Please consider other medications first. If your doctor goes straight to a Xanax script, that concerns me.
I'm coming from a place of concern. I suffered my 3rd miscarriage in 2018 and went into a severe depression with PTSD. It took a lot to come out of it, and Zoloft helped me a lot, it helps with depression (which is sounds like you have) and anxiety.
It basically lifts the fog of depression and anxiety so you can work on yourself.
Harley Quinn ··
I second this.
Also, you just had a baby. You might be dealing with a little PPD yourself.
Sunni·
Thanks @jenx, and @littleonemorning, ! I appreciate it. I’m meeting with a new psychiatrist at my clinic this morning so I plan on telling her everything that’s going on, with my husband and myself, and see what she thinks the best course of action is! Personally I feel like my feelings are very come and go, situational, but I could be very wrong! For most of the day I do well, it’s just usually just in the evenings when my kids go to bed when all my anxiety hits. I hope she knows what to do!
Sunni··
@jenx, see and I don’t know a damn thing about depression, and it runs in my husbands family. So now having to see him go through it, neither of us are very openly emotional people, it’s been teaching me A LOT of patience and compassion. I’m often a very selfish emotional person. I know we will get through it, it’s just going to take a lot of time I think.
JenX··
recognizing that is huge. You will absolutely get through it. Right now you have very few tools in your toolbox, but the doctor you are seeing today will help with that. Going in with an open mind is everything. You're doing a great thing for your family.
We forget that even without your husband's depression, your recent birth of a baby, we're on some level dealing with a pandemic, political unrest, civil demonstrations, it effects us on some level even if our income is secure.
You'll all pull through this fine. I am tagging @scruffy.nerf.herder because she's a professional and may have better insight. I just know what I've gone through.
Sunni··
thanks, I really appreciate you commenting! Even for me just talking to someone who’s gone through it helps me so much. My husband is busy and with his depression doesn’t want to talk much at all while he’s gone for work so I think that’s what is making me struggle the most, and giving me the most anxiety! I know he loves me, but not hearing it has been so difficult.
Heather·
Мама сына (8 лет)
Hey momma, I work in the field and I also had PPD. The ladies above have given good advice. I’m glad to see you are speaking with a professional. Hugs to you 💜
Sunni··
Apparently I have adjustment disorder! I was given something pretty light to take whenever I feel my anxiety rising, but it should get better as the situation itself does! ❤️