Is It Wrong to Want My Mom's Grave to Look Nice?
someone tell me if i'm in the wrong here so most of you know i lost my mom 4 days before my 9th birthday. Her birthday is Monday so yesterday i went to her grave to put flowers on. Well my MIL asked how it went and i told her when i got there all the glass angels and figures i had put on there throughout the years were broken and pieces everywhere was complete dump which kinda upset me. well she goes to tell me "before my mom died she told me don't even go to her grave don't even go to grieve grieve where ever i am because she's not actually there it's just her body so you gotta remember she's not there it's just her body she knows it's not you doing it" and kinda upset me... which i get i know it's just her body but still it is her final resting place and i don't want it looking horrible with broken glass everywhere to me that is disrespectful i want her final resting place to look nice and pretty. i don't go to grieve i go to pay my respects and always been big on going Mother's day, her birthday and the anniversary of her death to drop off a lil something let her know i'm thinking of her and pay my respects. when i was younger i use to write letters to her and bury em. Just helps me feel closer to her also since i never got to know her.
Teresha Hollis ·
Do what you want who cares what she says
Luvbeingamom18192226·
That would upset me if someone said that to me about my dad. I visit him on special occasions or just to feel as close to him as I can. Grieving never stops and it doesn’t matter where. I’d like to think my dad knows I’m visiting him. I always make sure he has a flag or flowers are doing good or need to be thrown. Do whatever you feel is best. Like you said it’s out of respect.
Goth_Mom··
exactly to me keeping it nice and pretty is a respect thing and also shows caring. i know it's just her body but personally i wouldn't want my final resting place looking like someone came and did a rampage i would want my kids to come visit and show their respects however they choose
Luvbeingamom18192226··
Same here. It’s not up to anybody but you anyway. Pay no mind to anyone who gives you negativity on it.
The EK 💋·
It sounds like maybe she was trying to make you feel better? It’s still an odd thing to say. I understand why you’re upset that things were broken and not looking nice. I would want that spot to look clean and taken care of too.
JenX··
I agree that in some weird way she was trying to take the burden of you looking after her grave off you.
.·
It does seem like she was trying to make you feel better, letting you know your mom isnt there spiritually, so that you wouldn't be so upset by the damage.
However; keep making pretty, keep visiting her there, do what you feel you need and want too do! Its your choice and only yours.
I still visit loved ones that have passed away at the grave yards, I always dust off the grave stone and clean up any debris and sometimes rearrange the items other family members have placed and honestly it does help put my heart to rest sometimes when I'm missing them.
JenX·
Your mom would want you to do what makes you feel good. <3
Deleted·
I fully understand where you are coming from. I was 23 and pregnant with my 1st child. When I lost my mother as well. You are not wrong. And it's ok if you do want to grieve over your mom.From this month through January. It's all bad for me. Sometimes I get through these months. Other times I don't...