Dear baby girl, It’s been a rough one hasn’t it? I found out about when you were just a little blip…

Dear baby girl,

It’s been a rough one hasn’t it? I found out about when you were just a little blip on a ultrasound at 5 weeks. From the first day we knew we were in for a rough journey. The doctor told me that you weren’t growing fast enough, your scans were inconsistent with your gestational age and there was a hemorrhage in my uterus. He told me to prepare that we might lose you in a few weeks, if not days. Every week we made that drive to the doctor. Every week they drew my blood to check my levels. Every week you kept growing bigger. EVERY WEEK YOU WERE STILL THERE. I started to realize “My baby girl is actually going to make it.” Your wonderful godmother Brooke paid for hormones we needed to keep you alive and I’ll admit... it was rough swallowing four horse pills a day but SO worth it. At 12 weeks we had our LAST weekly scan and the ultrasound tech and doctor BOTH confirmed that the hemorrhage had healed on its own AND you were FINALLY measuring ahead of your gestation. We then began our monthly visits and you’ve kept growing all the way up until 28 weeks 🖤

Now we’re in the home stretch and I’m starting to feel like I’m failing you. You have a few outfits, six packs of diapers, five packs of baby wipes and most of your essential things but I still feel behind ... I look around at mothers who are ahead (or behind) of me and they have closets and nurseries full of clothes, wipes, blankets, furniture... everything that a baby could possibly need. I’m stuck in my head with the fear of giving birth, the fear of bringing you into the world that’s currently full of a disease with no cure, the fear of not having enough and most importantly the fear of not being the mother that you deserve...

But then you kick me. Your kicks, punches, hiccups and tiny movements remind me what I’m still alive for, what I’m still breathing for and what we’ve made it through the past seven months together. They remind me that I can do this, they remind me that I am just as strong as you are, and most importantly of all they remind me that you, my darling, are here for a reason.

There will be days where my anxiety or depression may get the best of me. Days where I will yell, curse, scream and cry. Days where I feel like I’m not the best mother I can be, but I promise you that on ALL of those days I will NEVER love you, Dawson or Delilah any less. You three will always be my number one priority and whatever happens in life will never change that. You are my little miracle child and I can not wait to meet you meet you. Only 83 days or less, moon child.

📸: Dawson Wayne Hardy 💙