Thats good that he does. Its nice to have someone in life that has that kind of patience

@familygrown, I know he gets frustrated tho but I’m so thankful for him

@sistersmainpiece its very difficult to manage. I've been in and out of therapy since I was a kid and off meds for years now. One of them gave me sever nerve damage so I'm afraid to try them again. I don't have any support at home and friends are few and far between to say the least. My husband doesn't look at my mental state as an illness. He sees my behavior as an excuse to act out again. But I typically act out if I am in serious need of love or help. Its not getting any better. I do research and try as hard as I can bit once an episode hits its like nothing else matters anyway so why not just let it all out. I do feel bad afterwards and do apologize. But that makes no difference. What I say during an episode is "more important" than when I am sincerely reaching out in other means. Even if I realize my behavior during one and try to apologise before it gets any further escalated it doesn't matter. He will just argue and jump on the defence which is the furthest from helpful.

@familygrown, you definitely need a support system. Your spouse really needs to try and support and understand you more. It seems like certain situations with him are fuel to the fire. Have your tried a case manager? I know they have so many resources and they probably have a lot of help to offer. My son has bipolar 1, he hears voices as well. He gets in home therapy twice a week, he has out patient therapy and he is on meds. He has a case manager and in school he has a 504. I’m hoping to get him an iep this year and he will also start therapy services in school. Do your episodes last for days? When you’re in an episode can you explain how it feels? I know from watching my son I see his aggression, anger, sadness. He will say things like he hates his life, he hates bipolar, he wants to kill himself. It’s sooo hard to watch. Thankfully I have thick skin cause the stuff this boy has said to me would make most people cry. Have you tried a cool down object or project you can do when you feel an episode coming on?

@sistersmainpiece I had a case manager last year and they were absolutely no help. I think a differt one might be beneficial. I would like to have in home therapy but dont know how to go about it. The out therapy I have I tend to reschedule because of my husbands appts. Its not healthy I know but its hard to put myself first when I'm not able to drive unfortunately.
The episodes usually start with some form of "paranoia" that used to serve as my intuition but now dats its just that- paranoia. Then anger and agression then realiization but by then its too late and everythings already blown up. Then comes the sever depression. It can last a few days to a few weeks. Sometimes I do art or flow dance but I really have no time for self care between my son my so and my two disabled brother in laws that live with us. Talming it out helps some but its impossible to talk to my hisband even on a good day. I'm trying to make friends but it always seems like every one is too busy these days

But you do take his apologies to heart right? Do you ever thow his episodes back up in his face?

@familygrown, I used to throw it back and when he would start things I’d argue right back and actually make the situation worse. It took me awhile to understand exactly how to deal with it. I do accept his apologies where before I didn’t. It’s hard work for both parties involved but it can be done I believe.