Just finished cooking & eating dinner. A lot has been on my mind today. My husband has a 4 year old son, who Ive known since he was 2. Now, with him being four and me being pregnant and also his dad and I being married has caused a strain on the child and I. His son is very mischievous but only when his dad isnt around, He has told me “I dont have to listen to
you, only my mommy”. I drove him to summer camp the other day and he told me “My mom drives this way, you cant go this way and you cant go to my mommy house” and stuff like that literally just grinds my gears. He tells his dad that my cooking is nasty when I know its not. I try my absolute hardest to be a good “mother” figure, 1. because his mother isnt and 2. i know Im in this child’s life for a reason, but when I do do things and he just turns around and is ungrateful. I take him to camp, pick him up, I found his summer camp, I do everything I can to help his father bc he (in a way) is a single father, & i know how hard it can be as a single parent bc my mother was one. He cries for hours when he doesnt get his way, talks back, asks why to everything & never stays in a childs place and screams, kicks and throws tantrums. And sometimes I feel horrible because I cant wait for the day his mom picks him up & he isnt at the house. Its just really hard for me to create and build and continue a relationship with his child and he just simply does things I cant stand. I also dont know how to talk to his father (my husband) about it. I feel like I really bad person because even when things are normal or quite “regular” my feelings are still hurt from things he has said and done and I literally just dont want to be around him. I dont want this to cause a strain on me & my husband’s relationship. I dont know what to do.
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My four your old has been giving me a slightly hard way to go lately & he has always been the sweetest calmest little boy. He swings at me when he’s upset & everything it’s so shocking. However people underestimate kids too much. “ they’re just kids” my kids are very smart so I know there’s other kids out there who are too & sneakiness etc comes into play very early. I’d talk to dad an set boundaries & levels of discipline since it seems like he’s around you when dads not. I’d also let him know that although your not his mommy, you love him like a son. Sometimes kids feel abandoned when their parents aren’t together. Also kids don’t just make up stuff they pick up stuff. He has heard that somewhere about you not being his mom etc. maybe mom tells him that or says it when he’s around. Either way reassure him that you care for him & hopefully things change.
Majority of the behaviour your describing is normal 4 year old behaviour. Sounds like you are resenting the child and he may be picking up on it, will you feel the same way when your child acts like this at 4? No you won’t because it will be yours. When you marry a man with a child you marry the child as well and sounds like you don’t love this child as your own, not to be rude but if you didn’t you shouldnt have married his dad.
no ma’am. i may have to say youre wrong. i had to shorten the details but there is also more to the story that i didnt add in. im human so i do have feelings & im also pregnant so my hormones, irritability, & feelings are all over place. never not once did i say i dont love him. i do, let me make that crystal clear. also, im young & working on my patience. all i am expressing here is that i get overwhelmed with the tantrums & some of the things the child may say (bc i feel like its coming from his mom) & just asking other moms of children around the same age for advice on that. im 100% sure when you were parenting your children that things werent perfect and you got overwhelmed. this is my first time around with a child & also being pregnant so please spare me. thanks for your opinion but youre judgement in the comments is off.
@mrscostello, I did not mean to come off as judgemental so sorry for that I see how you took it that way. I’m glad I’m wrong you just really sounded annoyed but I promise you everything you described is normal behaviour of a 4 year old. The food thing my kids would say mostly because as kids they are used to food a certain way and then to give them someone else’s cooking which is completely different, my 12 year old would still do it probably lol. I’d maybe try and spend more fun quality time with him, he is probably going through it and maybe thinking your trying to replace his mom.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but he’s still so young! My step son use to do this when he was 12 and he did it a lot, it made our relationship weird. He always talked about how my cooking was terrible and it hurt my feelings, he even said he wanted to assault me one time and I will never forget that cause it still hurts till this day. My husband always took him to the side and talked to him alone and told him how those things aren’t nice to say. He never talks crap about my cooking anymore and he’s very polite now that he’s older (16). Give him some time. I’m pretty sure he’ll come around.
As far as the whole "I don't have to listen to you only my mom" we teach my son to listen to all adults. So he might not have to listen to you because of you being his mom he should have to listen to you because you are an adult. Try having your husband explain it that wau
He’s probably picking up on your energy & can tell that you aren’t fond of him. Some of the stuff is normal behavior like asking why and being ungrateful (what 4yo is grateful anyway? lol). Other stuff is him acting out, probably due to his mother being absent. That’s a hard thing for a small child to understand and process. Cut him some slack. He’s 4. It sounds like you and your husband need to get on the same page regarding discipline and consequences, but you also need to focus on the positives. Positive reinforcement goes a LOOOONG way with kids.
Kids don’t know what to say out their mouths at times. I understand the frustration just try and talk to your husband about how can you both better support him when he is having these outbursts and ask him what he would like you to do.