"Dear precious, (entitled) daughter of mine,

As you lay sound asleep in the bed I paid for, I’ve decided to take a moment to send you a letter expressing my affection and the overwhelming joy I have from being your father. It’s an awesome gig because you really are an amazing kid and I love being your dad. Mostly I love that with you in the house, I’ll always be reminded of how little I know about the world around me, even though I’ve lived in it for the past 40 years!

Let me first begin this letter by saying,...