For those dating someone who already has kids, what was it like meeting their children and their children’s mothers? How long did it take?

Question

Kedra · Answer

@missjaimelee, @db413, @chelseaz,  how was it meeting the kids’ moms?

Jaime · Answer

For me it went really well I didn’t put up a front ya know? She was the one who actually showed me who he truly was and told me about his current criminal record (it was really bad) like REALLY bad needless to say I’m a single mama now

Chels Z · Answer

My husband and I were together a year before I met his 3 kids. I’ve told him too that I don’t know if we would have lasted if I met them right away. I was in my early 20’s and that was a lot of responsibility. I fell in love with him and then it was easy to fall in love with the kids after that. His ex wife made things pretty difficult in the beginning with jealousy issues and such, but I made it clear I was not going to get in the way of their coparenting. It’s a lot better now. She still has her moments but I refuse to fight with my husband about what his ex wife does. I won’t let her interfere in our relationship like that. I met her soon after I met the kids, so my hubby and I already had a really established relationship after a year of dating.

Kedra · Answer

What did u do when she didn’t want u around the kids? Waiting a year doesn’t sound bad but how long to wait do u think is too long?

Chels Z · Answer

@kedrababy, I don’t necessarily think there is a “right time” to do it. The first time she tried to get upset about my husband bringing the kids around me, he quickly shut her down. He told her that she had to trust him to do what’s in the best interest of the kids and to only surround them with good people just as he trusts her to do the same. She realized that she had no control over him and that she can’t always make all the decisions. In the beginning, there were some rough times BUT eventually things slowly got better. Now we are all on pretty good terms. She and I are not “friends” but we talk about what’s going on with the kids. I’m not interested in being “friends” with my husbands ex wife as I think that would put him in a very uncomfortable position.

Dani B · Answer

My ex had 2 kids from a previous marriage. We started as friends before dating so his kids could meet me and they liked me from the beginning. The mother on the other hand did not. It took about 2 years before me and their mother started to get along. In the beginning she didn’t want him to have the kids if I was there. Then she realized how much I actually cared for them and how much I took care of them. We broke up after 5 years and her and her new husband approached me and said “you broke up with him. Not the children. Feel free to call or visit us any time”

Kedra · Answer

Wow. So how did y’all deal with her not wanting u around

Dani B · Answer

@kedrababy, she actually kept the kids from him for 6 months (there was no court order in place at the time) he got the papers for court and I helped him prepare. I made sure he made it to every court date. And as much as she didn’t like it. I actually went to pick up the kids because he worked and I didn’t at the time. Once the court order was in place she couldn’t do anything about not wanting me there. I wasn’t harming the children. In fact I was the one waking up with them, dressing and bathing. Feeding. Playing. And tucking in at night. Even though we were just dating. I really was a bonus mom. And once the kids were finally able to talk they always talked about me and how much they love me. That’s what really made her come around.

Jaime · Answer

My sons real father already had a child of his own and she took right to me after 2 months... He unfortunately signed away all his rights to his son cause I found out a bunch of really bad stuff about him. BUT it didn’t take long but just don’t discipline them because you have to keep in mind they aren’t your children but if the relationship last a long time then I would speak to both of the parents about the role you’re playing in their child’s life and what they want you to do ❤️

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