So ladies I really need to vent and it’s going to be a long one . I’ve worked at my current job for…
So ladies I really need to vent and it’s going to be a long one . I’ve worked at my current job for over a year recently on Wednesday I quit because I felt like they were treating me badly. My boyfriend (of over 2 years) told me told me he’s upset that he had to pay bills by himself and that he’s not happy about it. I just recently finished school and I’m trying to get my certification while looking for a new job. I’m very upset because when we were staying out of state he was the “bread winner” of the house while I stayed home and cleaned cooked and etc. BUT when we came to Texas I got a job immediately and I paid the full amount of rent and bills on the house for a few months and then he got a job he worked a few weeks and ended up leaving and I had to do it again... I’m very upset because today I had a interview and when I called and told him what they said his immediate words where “damn YOU BETTER START LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB” I’m literally considering moving in with family members and starting fresh. As my boyfriend I would think that he would fix my crown and help me succeed. But since he’s complaining I just feel like He’s not the one for me . It hurts to think about it but I know what I deserve. I need advice ladies.
Lauren·
Did you talk to him about quitting? Or just came home one day and told him you quit?
Imo if my fiancé came home and told me he quit without talking with me first or even trying to have a backup plan in place I’d definitely be very agitated. We’ve been in both situations where only he worked and then when only I worked. It would be the same in return, he would definitely be very upset if I left all the financial strain on him.
Communication is key and it sounds like you didn’t communicate with him about wanting to quit
Mandy·
I agree with @pr1nc3sslauren it sounds like you guys have a communication issue. It's not about what you've done in the past. It's almost like you're keeping score of who took of the bills and when which shouldn't be the case he. He's mad and probably stressed that you unexpectedly put all the weight on his shoulders. Are you hurt because he isn't supporting you when you were wrong to quit so abruptly and not communicate with him? I worked at a place that didn't respect the work that I did and didn't pay me fairly but I communicated with my fiance that I would be quitting and he would be the sole provider until I found a new job. That's how relationships work. If you don't feel like he's the one for you for other reasons then so be it but don't let this be the reason
FairyKarmaMomma·
Мама сына (4 года)
I’ve been with my husband 21 years, 15 of which we were just on boyfriend/girlfriend status. The ONE thing we NEVER did do was quit a job without another one already set up or a game plan with the money to back it up just in case and we had to go to plan B. It’s NOT FAIR to the person who will temporarily be the sole provider. That person needs just as much reassurance that you’re gonna be on top of your game plan so they can be okay safely proceeding with whatever is going on feeling that everything will be okay even if it isn’t at the moment. We didn’t even have a child back then so it’s even more important now to have game plans
Let me share a couple of examples of how leaving a job or quitting should really go if at all possible. When my husband left a job that had him miserable 16 years ago, he came to me to discuss said misery and his desire to quit, but he had a game plan. He said he can hold it down for 4 months but needed to know I got it if things took longer. That made sense to me, and 4.5 months later he was back up and running like nothing happened and we made it through because we had a game plan. I paid rent all myself once and that was it. That was all he needed from me because he planned to quit. Another example, I had to take a year off to have major bone surgery at UW 11 years ago. I made sure I busted my ass beforehand and saved my money so I had 6 months of my expenses covered before the surgery. Hubby was cool because he expected to have to help me out at the 6 month point so he saved for it. Point is, we never not have a game plan. Even now, finances are put together three months in advance so we know what to expect and what’s available in case something happens.
Financial anxiety will make people more uptight than most. That’s the feeling I’m getting here...that you quit your job without a real solid game plan and he’s pissed about it. While yes, cooking and cleaning are a contribution, they don’t pay the bills, they don’t put clothes on our children’s backs. People no longer use the barter system that started humanity and free trade, it’s all about that coin so I could see all the reasons why he’s tense. I can even see your side of things a bit because I had to find a job after nursing school too, but I started working on that while I was in school so I had no gaps. In this society we can’t quit jobs without a game plan. It’s not set up to have our backs. Public assistance only goes so far so you gotta keep your hustle and money tight! That’s probably what he’s thinking too...
Sit down with him. Say something along the lines of “I know I quitting my job has caused some serious tension, so I’m here to listen to your concerns and come up with a game plan so no one feels left in the dark and we’re both good with how we are proceeding”. Just listen until he’s done talking and go from there. Try not to get emotional about what he says because he’s equally entitled to his opinion. It’s not time to give up on your relationship, it’s time to grow up and handle it like a mature adult. Money and jobs are always going to be a struggle between couples no matter what, whether you make six figures or are on assistance so this is real life get used to it type of ish.
Good Luck...