No-one should be able to do anything with my child without asking/telling my husband don't take his own kid without texting hey we are going.....

Absolutely not!

No. They definitely need to ask for permission! My mom always does as she pleases no matter how many times i tell her to ask me before taking my daughter out. The only way i find out is checking out our security cameras at home and not seeing my daughter or my mom home and their car gone 🤦🏻‍♀️

FUCK NO.
Idk where these parents get these ideas that they can make up a whole bunch of unwritten rules and say it’s a “grandparent thing”

No. Your the parent. They should ask you and respect your desicion.

No, they should ask both parents before doing anything with them.