so i’ve spoke on this before & exactly what I was worried about would happen, happened. so I have…
so i’ve spoke on this before & exactly what I was worried about would happen, happened. so I have been wanting to move back in w my mom since about the middle of my pregnancy. we got our room all set up and ready for us. I love having her around and having such a good relationship w her. the only problem is my stepdad. in the past he sexually abused me and so when I turned 18, I moved out. up until a few months ago my mom finally told me that she believes me that it happened. when everything was happening a few years ago she asked him for the truth and he said I was lying and she believed him so she stayed w him. I moved out and my sisters had to go live w my dad bc we went to court and she lost custody. fast forward to now- i’ve been staying at my moms since last wednesday when we got out of the hospital and my stepdad has been here. my mom has been bringing him around me and my sister for the past few weeks and we have been super uncomfortable w it but haven’t necessarily said anything. we have told her tho we didn’t want him around us but little by little he started coming around more. she told me that she was going to make him move out for me to move in bc I didn’t want to be around him. anyways he’s been around me and my son and I just don’t know what to do. the only reason i’m putting up w being around him is so I can be w my mom. I do avoid him as much as possible, he is not left alone w my son and I don’t trust to be at the house w just him here so I always try to leave. I feel like i’ve made them both think that I am okay w him being around but i’m not. I feel so lost and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I love my mom so much and I feel like i’m going to have to give her an ultimatum and make her choose between us. he talks about what he’s going to do for my son in the future like get him a dog and get him a go kart and all types of stuff. I can tell he does love my son very much, he is their first grandchild. I know my mom would choose me and my son but I know that I would hurt both of them by telling him I don’t want him to be around us. also the fact that he has never acknowledged what he did or that he lied about it and ruined me and my moms relationship in the process. I lost so much time w her and it’s so great to have her back in my life, the last thing I want is to lose it again. this past week i have been a mess and have been feeling super overwhelmed. i want it to be just me and my son and my mom here. this post is all over the place I know. i don’t need any judgement or rude/hate comments. im just asking for advice on how I should go about talking to my mom. thanks mamas
Kitty Moore·
This is really hard to deal with , I would think your mom would be uncomfortable as well having him around I would have a sit down talk with my mom even tho it seems like she has already chosen him over you
Kitty Moore··
@kailynnpatrice, I agree I would be so uncomfortable , I know family who has went through something similar they ended up moving out and still to this dad hate their step dad . I would be so awkward around ugh
Kailynn··
Мама сына-младенца
that’s the thing too, I feel so awkward around him but I just try to be nice and talk to him. I don’t want to be disrespectful by not speaking so i just act like nothing happened. it’s just getting to the point where it’s overwhelming and i start to freak out when i’m alone and start thinking about it
Kitty Moore··
oh man I can only imagine what do you think your going to do
Alicia Ferguson·
В ожидании первенца
Congrats on your sweet little boy! I would honestly move out. It’s wrong to give your mom an ultimatum, because her husband comes before her children and grandchildren, even though he’s done something horrible in the past. You are a very strong woman for going through all of this, I would move out but close by, so you can still see your mom everyday and she be with her grandbaby. Let’s say best case scenario that your step dad has changed, you’re still testing the waters because he has had issues with keeping himself just for his wife. I wouldn’t want to get in between anyone’s marriage, let alone my mothers. Moving out would make life safer for you and baby, your mom would be stress free worrying about you and her husband, and you both get to see each other everyday. It also settles things with the stepdad too. I would just tell her to keep things happy and safe, you’re moving out. Even give her a key to your place so she knows she’s always welcome!
Kailynn··
Мама сына-младенца
thank you so much!💙 i’ve never actually thought about it like that. I do live w my cousin and her family, that’s where i’ve been since I moved out years ago. I also kind of feel like they don’t really even want to be w each other anymore, I feel like she’s just dealing w him bc she doesn’t want to change anything and divorce him. I also have seen in her phone-her talking to another man. i’m not judging bc I completely understand her, my stepdad can be very mean so I feel like she’s just needing some attention or just some compliments. I really don’t know if my stepdad has changed but I also don’t want to risk it bc if he ever did anything to my son I would never forgive myself bc I put us in this situation. she knows that she can always come over to mine and my cousins house and she does. it’s just I really like having her w us at night just in case I really need her. I just really wish this wasn’t so hard. we lost so much time together I just want to make up for it
Alicia Ferguson·
В ожидании первенца
You know what, THAT may be a great thing to discuss with her, the evidence you’ve seen of her talking to another man. If her husband is terrible and needs to be gone, you can help her with that decision. If he goes, it’s just you, her, and the baby... which sounds like the dream! BUT if she’s willing to stay in the marriage, then you can support her from your cousins house and tell her you want her to come over everyday. You’re the stronger one here between the two of you. You’re doing a great job already, and you could really help your mom make good decisions like you’ve made and will continue to make. It sounds more like instead of you needing her at night time to help with the baby, she needs you, your support, and your strength. And none of that is getting in the way of her marriage, because whatever decision she chooses, to make him go or to stay with him, you’re fully supporting her. You’re just bringing up the other man she’s been talking to. And I’m
Not judging your mom either. She sounds great, and she clearly loves you very much.
Kailynn··
Мама сына-младенца
I might just do that. I also know that if he saw that in her phone he’d be extremely angry which could put her in a really bad situation. thank you so much too, I really need the support. i’m really trying to just deal with everything till I can talk to her.
Alyson Miller·
Am I the only one who thinks my mom would be out of my life if she chose someone who sexually abused me over myself and her grandchild?? She would lose all privileges of being a grandma. If she’s staying with him and not kicking him out, she’s just as guilty as he is. 😳 I am SO sorry you have to dal with that. I know you want a relationship with your mom and it must hurt so bad that she is turning you away 😞
Kitty Moore··
Nope I think mom is wrong
Kailynn··
Мама сына-младенца
@vintageteaspoon, when everything happened 3 years ago we did lose touch and we weren’t getting along. little by little we started talking again and then when I told her I was pregnant, we got our relationship back basically. it did hurt at the time that she chose him over us but now I can tell that things are different.
Alyson Miller··
I wouldn’t fight to rekindle the relationship anymore. It’s her job as your mother to believe you and choose you over anyone who does you wrong. Maternal instincts are obviously lacking. Hopefully you can learn from where she has messed up and just be a wonderful mommy to your baby boy 💙 I know you love her and she’s your mom, but it’s not your job to try to fix something that wasn’t your fault to begin with. Prayers for you ❤️
Queen👑·
I honestly didn't even read your whole post cause I wanted to comment so fast but I was sexually abused by my step father as well and imma tell u first, stop worrying about your mother and her feelings. I know u love her but if she cared about your SAFETY not just for u but your son she WOULD NOT be be with him let alone be bringing him around. That's a HUGE slap in the face and her actions are telling you she does NOT believe you or think he is a danger. You should not have to find a way to leave everytime he is there when he should not be there at all PERIOD. That being said it's her house. So u have a choice to make. Because obviously she does not have you and your son as a priority.
Kailynn··
Мама сына-младенца
me and my sister have been wanting to talk to her and tell her exactly what you just said bc that’s how we feel. it’s just hard to find the right time and place where we can all sit down and talk about it