**RANT**
I’ve been dating a guy recently and him and his ex co parent (very well) there’s just a tiny thing that kind of eats at me. She’s always coming over and hanging out and cooking him/us dinner, and has stayed the night at his place a few times. Last night after he got off he went over to her place and got drunk and stayed the night. Note she has a bf herself and I know I don’t have anything to worry about but it just really bothers me because it’s very different than what I’m used to. I’ve always seen that ex’s are ex’s and you don’t need to hang out with them and stay the night and cook them dinner when you have your own bf and household to do that for. Me and him hang out once a week due to our work schedules and she’s always over either for half the time or the whole time so the only alone time we get is the car ride when he picks me up and drops me off. It’s getting to the point where I honestly dread hanging out w him Bc I know she’ll be there. I want to talk to him about it but don’t know how to come about it without seeming psycho. 😅😩
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They do major holidays together too I actually joined them for thanksgiving but being there on the ONE day we get to hangout is just rude to me Bc she knows that’s our only day together
@cameronsmommy17 Then HE needs to say something. He's the one in the relationship with you, he has the child with her, he needs to draw the line. But you need to tell him how you feel.
@mhbb3, I did. He said “I do understand that. It has bugged me too cause I want to spend time with you and she has been there a lot of the time so me and her have decided to do it another day and me and you can have the day together”
I think it’s great to have a good coparenting relationship, but for the sake of their child and your/her relationship, there need to be boundaries set. I actually think it’s a little inappropriate to spend the night at each other’s places because it might send the wrong message and be confusing for their child. I would just have a talk with him. I know you said you just recently started dating him though, so it might be difficult to get the routine changed at this point. It sounds to me though that they are still trying to create the perception of one big happy family for their child. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to stand my husbands ex coming over and cooking dinner for us and constantly being at our house. BUT I also don’t find her sweet and pleasant to be around lol.
That’s great that they coparent BUT I would feel boundaries need to be set! Ex’s Can still be Ex’s while coparenting. They might as well still be in a relationship the way it sounds. I would just openly talk to him about it. I would ask first off (maybe to test the waters)...if y’all hang out that y’all can do it alone. Depending on his answer just go from there! If he gets upset with that...then you may need to let them be.
@massmomma16, I told him what I told you ladies and he said “I do understand that. It has bugged me too cause I want to spend time with you and she has been there a lot of the time so me and her have decided to do it another day and me and you can have the day together”
@cameronsmommy17, yay that’s so exciting!!! He sounds like a great guy!
@massmomma16, he really is that’s why I kept from saying anything lol
That would definitely bug me too. It’s really nice they have a good relationship for their child, but you and him should also get private time too.
Exactly, it's one thing to do what he was doing while he was single after their relationship but once he gets into a new one he needs to have boundaries with his ex they can still get along and if they want to hang out she should be present. He shouldn't be going and getting drunk and spend the night at her house while in a new relationship with someone else
Also if you talk to him and he doesn't like what he hears and keeps doing what he's doing start hanging out with your ex boyfriend. If it's not supposed to be a problem for you then it shouldn't be a problem for him. And if he gets upset when you do that RUN!!! Trust me
I don’t have anything to do w my ex 😅 I can’t stand him lol
There's always a subtle way to ask anything. I mean you can just come right out and talk to him about it. Just say hey I have a few questions then ask about it tell him how you feel about it and then see where it goes from there. I mean they were in a relationship for probably a long time and have a child together and get along well still and that's just the routine that they've become accustomed to. He should take you into account and her boyfriend and maybe back off of each other a little bit but if he doesn't like it and doesn't want to change it then maybe he's not the one. If he's going to continue to do something that makes you uncomfortable then what else will he do? It may or may not be worth it. He may agree with you and do something different but he may not.
@cameronsmommy17 I understand, you met a new guy you want to spend time with him not with him and his ex-girlfriend / mother of his child. That's definitely not how a relationship should go and you should just tell him out right. The fact that you're trying not to let it bother you says it bothers you and you have every right to speak up. Tell him he needs to cut down his ex-girlfriend Hangouts to once a week and yes you should be there. He should not be spending the night at her house and he needs to know that as well. If he wants to hang out with her again like I said it should be once a week and it should be in your company as well
@momsrmagical, it’s been bugging me for awhile but I haven’t said anything Bc we haven’t been dating long and I feel like because of that I don’t really have a right to say anything
@cameronsmommy17 you absolutely have the right to say something. It shouldn't matter how fresh the relationship is wrong is wrong and what makes you uncomfortable makes you uncomfortable and you should say so. You need to show him that you are a no-nonsense person. When you're with somebody you should be able to talk to them about what you want and what you don't want in a relationship. Exes are exes for a reason like you said. I don't talk to any of mine.
Note: I don’t have an issue with the ex she’s a very sweet girl but still
I dont know. My son's dad and I are close. We do major holidays and b days together. Last year so and I went there for x mas.
This year SO is going out of town and ill probably spend the 24th and 25th at ds3 fathers home.
When SO and I first got together he did NOT like it. Now that we've all spent the last few years this way he's a lot more comfortable.
If it's really bothering you maybe you could ask him to stop?