Yesterday marked an entire month that my grandfather has been gone. I’ve definitely laughed a lot…

Yesterday marked an entire month that my grandfather has been gone. I’ve definitely laughed a lot less. He had such a funny sense of humor and was always there to offer a laugh. Rarely was he serious. You guys probably see a care free man but I see much more. I see a man who battled. He battled depression, anxiety, and PTSD from the Vietnam war. Even though he suffered with all of those things, he did so with a smile on his face. He was always joking and laughing. I see a man who suffered so much because of Agent Orange and with how quickly his nerves died. A man who fought to stay out of a wheel chair and keep his nerves from dying out, to stay on his feet so he could still play with his great grandchild and keep his independence. He slowly lost the ability to do the things he really loved to do. He couldn’t ride horses, working on his farm equipment became hard and frustrating, fishing was too hard because the neuropathy in his hands made it difficult to grip the fishing pole for very long. As he lost the ability to enjoy those things again, he found new things to enjoy, a new reason to laugh and smile. The man would lend anybody money or a place to stay, even taking the chance on people he knew wouldn’t pay him back. He had a bigger heart than he was willing to admit, or even realized. Even though his own health was deteriorating he worried about others more than himself. On my weekly phone calls the first thing out of his mouth were always “are you okay? Do you need help paying anything-don’t lie to me about it either.” He always offered help with anything. Out of all of his problems a massive heart attack took him from us. It hurts every single day. You may see a happy smiling man with no worries. I see a beautiful soul that smiled and laughed through every tough moment. I see strength and love. I see a fighter and a giver. I see my grandfather, who was nearly as tough as life itself.