Moving to another state with child. Need advice.
Moving to another state with child. Need advice.
So I’ve thought a lot about moving away from California. It’s not the ideal place and it’s EXPENSIVE. I am single and have a 3 almost 4 year old in preschool(with IEP). Dad sees child on days I work for a few hours, no overnight(no interest in it)
I live with my mom and rent a small room from her. The limited space doesn’t bother me but I can not in any way move out. I can’t afford it.
She doesn’t want us here either. She doesn’t want to help me with my son at all, she yells at him a lot too. I don’t expect help of course, it’s not her responsibility but it breaks my heart that this is our situation.
My dad has offered a place for a us with him in Arkansas. We went to visit and I loved it so much. He lives close to the city and there’s a lot of work over there and I’m an Esthetician and my hours transfer to over there and I would just need to retest on their state board and get licensed over there. My dad and step mom love my son and are willing to help me. My dad is a very involved grandpa with also 3 step daughters he has so I don’t doubt the help because he helped me during the time he was living here (which was short only because of cost of living)
However, my concerns are moving my son away mid school year because the school year over there is different. He’s in pre k now and would most likely be in T-K during the move . The IEP is a legal document that transfers over to all of 50 states but I’m worried it would set him back.
My other concern is of course his dad. He doesn’t want me to go but he laughs in my face that he will have an amazing pay rate in a couple years and that I can’t even afford a small studio out here. How is that fair for him to hold us back? I’ve never objected to working out holidays and summers with him. His family has been involved in a lot of trouble that I don’t want my son growing up in all of that. There’s nothing good out here, I don’t believe it’s in our best interest to stay but I’m scared my ex will try to file 50/50 just to be petty. I can’t even afford a lawyer but I’m so unhappy here
LEO Wifey·
Ugh. I'm so sorry that's your situation! It sounds like a move is definitely in your best interest long term.
I wouldn't worry much about interfering with kiddo's schooling - he'll make due and figure it out. And it'll be worth it to have a happy, peaceful momma 😊
Unfortunately I have no suggestions or advice for the dad. I imagine you will need to work with family court to make your case for moving out of state - I'm not sure what your limitations are. Start digging in - looking online at what you'd need to do to move elsewhere so you can start moving things that direction. You don't have to tell the dad yet - it seems pretty clear that he isn't going to move there. And you're right - no sense giving him a heads up so he can find ways to be pretty and make you stay/ be miserable.
RayOfMySunShine·
I’m sorry you are going through this.
How dumb of your ex, why would he would fight for 50-50 if he never even has your child over night! What?!? That is bs. Do you have him saying that in a text? That would be best case scenario. Can you get a free consult from a family attorney? That would be my first step. Then, if ask your father and his wife to lend you money to gain full custody. Fight for your right to have a better life.
Once you get to Arkansas, immediately pay them back to show good will. (Of course after you get your license and a job there)
Rowdy Vajazzy·
What impact do you think moving him away from his father might have on your son? He sounds pretty involved. Him filing for 50/50 might not make sense since he doesn’t choose to have him overnights, but he may do that or get a custody order in place in order to keep you in the state. I know I would do anything I could to keep my kids close to me.
A·
We can't afford it though. His dad is involved because i work those days. If I don't work that day for whatever reason he takes it as he's off the hook for the day. I begged him for his help when I had my wisdom teeth removed on the day he takes him anyways because of my job and he refused.
There's definately way worse out there, I aknowledge that. If he files simply because he WANTED to then I'd take it serious but to be petty, I can't take that serious..
I have to work 2-3 jobs to make it here to support my child even WITH child support. If I stay in Cali then he doesn't want the 50/50 though and not even wants to take him for one night. What is that?
I have no one to help me watch him so I can't get another job so I'm only working the 1.
The schools here are crap. The air is filled with pollution. My job is so strict on everything and they fire people easily. The competition for jobs are insane. I can't afford a studio apartment and my son's school expects i pay full price for every meal because how overcrowded the schools are that they have to provide. That makes sense, but makes things that much harder.
I am not trying to move to hurt my son's dad or to keep him away. I offered holidays and summers and he didn't want them. I think it's more selfish to keep his son in a place that is doing more harm than good.
I still appreciate that advice @rowdy-vajazzy because perhaps it's something some moms wouldn't consider!
Gretchen Lanae ·
File for custody! I didn’t file for custody and my ex hit me with custody papers a week before I was moving!! They came with an order to not leave the state with my child. I had to wait almost 7 months before I could move and had to pay almost $8000 in lawyer fees to win my move away case! Could have allllll been prevented had I filed for sole physical custody to begin with 🤦🏻♀️ your ex being involved and paying child support will give him a little more upper hand then what my ex had. But essentially all you have to prove to the court is that the move IS in the best interest of the child and that you will have good faith in providing an opportunity for your ex to still be involved with your child. Also the judge put in my move away order that if my ex does start paying child support ALL travel expenses for his visitations are my responsibility. It was very expensive,super stressful, and took forever to get my move away case approved. But it was soooooo worth it!! The cost of living in California was ridiculous 😡 and it’s getting worse and worse! We literally paid 3x’s what we’re paying in rent for a house half the size of what we have now, utilities are cheaper, insurance is slightly cheaper, gas is so much cheaper, no traffic, and so many other perks :))