Questions for My Husband: A Thread by A Confused Wife/Mom (Pt.2)

1. What do you actually do in the bathroom?
> There is no way that you are taking a sh*t for 30-45 minutes! I simply refuse to believe that's possible. With that being said, please tell me what in the entire f*ck you're doing in there that takes so long. There's only so much to read or troll on social media...and that all can be done in about 8 minutes. I know this because I am able to troll all platforms in that amount of time (assuming I get that long ALONE on the toilet). Basically what I'm trying to say is GET YOUR ASS OFF THE DAMN TOILET AND COME HELP ME!!!!

2. Do I look like a doctor?
> I'm sorry, but I'm a MRS not an MD. Due to this, please take your simple ass to the damn doctor! I cannot diagnose every random thing you hurt or tweak, and not everything can be solved by robitussin and a 45min sh*t. If you're not feeling well, and it's been a few days with no relief to your current problem...call the professionals! There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

3. Why do you insist on doing things your way?
> I hate to be a "my way or the highway" type of woman...but sometimes it's necessary. Instead of trying to figure out how I do something or did something...just ask me! I promise it'll take far less time asking me, and doing the sh*t right the first time, than you f*ckin it all up and me STILL having to do it. I can guarantee you that no woman in the history of EVER likes having to do things after they were supposed to have already been done. I'm tired of being captain save a bro all the time!

4. When do I get to be the good guy?
> I swear it never fails that mommy means business and daddy means fun. I'm sick of having to put up with all the attitude, tantrums and basic assh*leyness from the kids until you're around to help. And to make matters worse, after all the drama I'm managing...you have the audacity to waltz yo happy ass in here playing the hero. Not cool dude. For once I want to be the good guy to your bad guy. I wanna have the kids when they are basically sh*tting rainbows and sunshine out their cute little butts, instead of dealing with the little terrorist tornadoes I get to try and subdue.

5. Do you want me to kill you?
> Simply put...stop doing sh*t that makes me contemplate "how to get away with murder." Our kids need both of their parents...so knock it the f*ck off! (*Please note that this applies to all actions, statements, looks, or lack thereof)

As with my previous post, I will probably be adding to this list again as time goes on. But again...feel free to add your own questions to your spouses in the comments lol.