So my husband and I are relative fosters for his two brothers who are 12 and 14. The 14 year old…

At 14, he’s old enough to understand that $ goes to cable, electric, gas, food, water, clothing, health care etc. tell him that unless he’d like to start being billed for that he needs to be respectful. Not only that, but if it was ever reported you were buying dip for a 14 yr old out of it - you’d lose the $ and probably your guardianship. Put your foot down and tell him your not funding him getting oral cancer.

I foster my sisters kids. It's just the way they have lived their entire lives nothing personal. As for dipping at 14 that's a solid no. It's illegal for a minor anyway. I wouldn't allow him to have it in my house. If he wants it that bad he has an allowance. Just not in the house.

Ohhhh but you DID earn that money you get for fostering them. You earned it the day you took them in and gave them a home. That sass from an ungrateful kid would have no place in my home, and I get that's how he was raised. Well, things change. Your house. Your rules.

@jack.ass we dont buy it for him. Other family members will do it behind our backs. And he rubs it in our face how "so and so bought it for me". I've told him if he wants to dip that bad then quit football, find a side job and an Indian store that'll sell to minors or he can live with someone who allows it. (Our town is small. One red light. Many convenient stores with owners who think laws dont apply to them. They think money is money.)

@kayla187 that's what we tell him

He cant do it in our house and we wont buy it. But other family will which is why he hounds us about it.

@lovelily it's the attitude his addict mom had and drives me insane.

@girlmomx5 we dont buy it for him. He gets it from other family and kids at school whose parents buy it for their kids. The money we get we use for their school activities, extra food for them, electric, them their own TV and dish in their room and to pay off the van we had to buy to accommodate them as well as pay off the extra space we had to build for them onto our home.. which he knows so it was deff a low blow.

Do you think maybe some family therapy/counseling might help ?

What is dipping?

It sounds like you have gone above and beyond for these kids! I think it’s amazing you and your husband are doing this!

You need to let the 14 year old know that his attitude won’t fly in your house. You also need to talk to the relatives that are buying him dip behind your back. What they’re doing is illegal, plain and simple, and could be considered contributing to the delinquency of s minor. Plus, they are also sending the wrong message to the 14 year old and perpetuating his attitude about it all.

@vee_the_otaku_momx3 they are in court ordered counseling and we have had sessions with them. They just tell the therapist what she wants to hear.

@l_xi91 I really dont know how to explain it in a way that wont sound smart lol but when you use smokeless tobacco. They put it in their lip and spit the juice out. The nicotine absorbes through the mouth.

You sound like your doin everything you should be. It will take time but you just need to keep putting your foot down and hopefully eventually he will start respecting you and change his ways. It will be hard but you can do it

Been teaching teens for 18 yrs. They are Rewards motivated and sometimes unable to see anything from someone else's point of view and this lasts til 25 sometimes. It's all due to frontal lobe development. So while it's hurtful, it's better to not expected them to understand or be sympathetic and be pleasantly surprised when they do for your heart sake.

Minus ed ..... Autocorrect

Sounds like you love and care for these kids and that’s all that’s important honestly.

He does need to know that until he is old enough to pay for the consequences of dipping, you are in charge of what happens to him.

Other people giving him dip don’t know what it takes to foster kids and don’t have respect for the amount of work you do for them or the health issues that come with it that is also never going to be their problem.

They might as well be saying they couldn’t care less about the kid.

If anyone finds out he dips, it looks bad on you and who knows what could happen to them, if he cares about having a safe place, warm bed and allowance he has to respect that.

Not only that but since you love him enough to take him in, try to tell him his health is your biggest concern. It’s bad enough your hubby does that on his own choice and spends hard earned money on it but the fact that he does, hurts a little. When family means taking care and watching over each other, health and safety comes first. He just needs to know what your definition of family means and how much you love him enough to make him a part of it.

@l_xi91 I'm wondering the same thing. What the heck is dipping lol

@nicemmcha2015 we call that chew. Lol cus its chewing tobacco

@chadandtanya14 dip and chew aren't the same in Georgia lol

@nicemmcha2015 lol what's the difference? Does it come in a small round tin and its black and they take a chunk out and stick it in ur lip and spit brow?

@chadandtanya14 yeah. Here that's called dip. Now there is a thing called chew but it comes in like a paper package and it's the whole tobacco leaves that you actually chew.

@nicemmcha2015 oh weird. I've never seen one of those before. Maybe we dont have them here. But your dip is our chew lol. Here it's also illegal before the age of 19 and some places even 21!

@chadandtanya14 in Georgia you can buy it age 18. However in small towns it's not hard to find convenient stores that'll sell to minors in a heart beat.

@nicemmcha2015 that's so sad! Scary too!

@chadandtanya14 oh honey there are stores here that'll sell alcohol to 16 and 17 year olds as long as no one is paying attention in their store.

@nicemmcha2015, I’d stop them from seeing the family members that give it to them.